An Addict in the Family
A Mother’s Tale of Heartbreak, Courage, and Resilience.
Memoir
“Turn your back and run,” they told me. But how does a mother turn her back on her son?
The advice was always the same, “Don’t do it!” I did it anyway. Early October 2019, I received the call I had dreaded for years. My son, Charlie, had been arrested. He had been addicted to one substance or another since he was 14-years-old. It became his response to emotional trauma, and Charlie had had an extraordinary share of trauma.
When his habit escalated into dealing, my worst nightmare became a reality: prison visits, bail, parole, and much, much more.
A three-year roller-coaster ride begins with a phone call for help, not from Charlie but from his partner, Jessica. My son is arrested for dealing and using methamphetamine. What follows is a harrowing struggle of court appearances, struggles with the incongruities within the justice system, and fruitless attempts to help my son find a drug rehabilitation facility that can help him.
For the next two years I seek help and healing for my son, at the expense of my own health and relationships. Finally, I find a support group for people like me and, through kindness and sharing, I find the strength and resilience to carry on. I find out that the healing I am seeking is not for my son, but for myself. Through the kindness, sharing and love of this group I learn to differentiate between my son and the effects of addictive substances on his actions.
I eventually find the resilience to affirm my unconditional love for him even though, in the end, he chooses the world of his addiction over connection with his family.
What people are saying
Suraya Dewing, Creator & Founder Stylefit and The Story Mint
…An Addict in the Family captures all the terrible horror of a parent’s experience of a drug dependent child who becomes enmeshed in the drug underworld. She makes no excuses for his behaviour. Nor does she slip into the all too easily found black tunnel of feeling sorry for herself.
There is no self-recrimination and no evidence of all the if only’s that she could so easily slip into. We do see a pro-active mother trying to do all she can to give her child a new start in life. We see her doing all she can to work with authorities and the frustrating dead-ends she encounters. We have a feeling of how surreal the whole experience is.
However, when all she has done fails, we again see the amazing courage with which she accepts this, and realises it is time to let go. That is an amazingly courageous act.
Those with a spiritual belief can place the child into the care of a force greater than any individual and believe that he or she is living their journey the way he or she is meant to. Meantime, we have our journey to make, and this is the journey Stephanie has chosen to follow.
As a reader, I am relieved for her, but I know that no parent who goes through what she went through is ever the same again. And maybe that’s what it is all about, relinquishing power and admitting that some things are bigger than us – that there comes a time when we offer up what we can and do all that we can to make our corner of the world just a little better for us having been here. Stephanie has done that by sharing her story. And I pray her son knocks on her door one day and says, with a smile, “I’m home.”
Mrs Moa comments on Ages of Pages 2023/2024
I love this woman’s generosity and love for books and authors.
She mentioned my books in a post leading up to Ages of Pages 2024 and again after the event where she’s covered An Addict in the Family alongside several other authors. Then … she reviewed my book!
Thank you Mrs Moa!
Click on these links for her video posts to her reviews of An Addict in the Family on Instagram.
@LittleLibrariesAuckland
Instagram post 17 May 2024
It’s heartening to see people reading my book. And to know that it’s touching hearts fulfills my wish for sharing my story.
Check out @LittleLibrariesAuckland’s video Instagram post covering my memoir An Addict in the Family here
And follow her on Instagram for some interesting insights into books and the little community libraries.
Pat Backley is a prolific and
inspiring writer with an
incredible story that she’s
shared on several media outlets.
Check out her Website
to see what I mean.
Review by Meg
Posted 29 Nov 2023
on Flaxroots.com
Flaxroots.com, created by Bronwyn Elsmore BA (Hons), MPhil, PhD, has provided book reviews of new New Zealand books since 2014.
The link is to the index. You are sure to find many titles that will appeal to your favourite genre, and perhaps inspire you to be more adventurous in your reading.
Heavy Concerns Written About in a Readable Way
It’s a small book in size, 75 pages, written with heart about a big subject.
The subtitle sums it up as this is a mother’s tale of heartbreak, courage and resilience when living through the experience if having a son who is a convicted drug addict and supplier. It’s an experience no mother wants, yet many find becomes a reality for them.
What should she do? Turn her back on him and run, as she is advised? This mother doesn’t.
Despite all the heartache, she engages with the situation and all it involves, including the possibility of putting herself in personal danger, dealing with the frustration of having to learn about the justice and prison systems, and finding out who not to trust among those about her, the majority, and the few she could. Heavy concerns, but written about in a readable way.
In seeking to understand her addict son, Charlie, the author also comes to knowledge of herself.
In the introduction, she writes of her hope that this memoir will “be a conversation starter leading to awareness of the widespread effects of addiction and paving the way for change. Change in the way society views addiction; change in the way those addicted view their place in the hearts of those most affected by their actions; and change in the availability and type of support systems that all those touched by addiction so desperately need.”
It is a hope that is captured well in the cover art.
Pauline Reid – Book Reviewer NZ
Posted 29 Dec 2024 on Facebook
Pauline says this of her reviews:
“No messing around here, pure, honest book reviews just for you, includes either blurb of the book, or my summary of one, what resonates with me, my rating and recommended genre, links to authors page and on occasions a little about the author and their socials, plus link to the book involved.”
I appreciate Pauline’s honest review of my Addict in the Family book and have no hesitation in sharing it with you on my website. Thank you for your honesty, Pauline – what every author asks for! We know not every one resonates with our stories.
I’m afraid I didn’t enjoy this one at all, you would have to be a sadist to say that you did.
Ditched the book at 17% enough to know that it was not for me.
However, from what I had read made me thankful that I had a very sounded structured up bringing, strict, yes, but there is a reason for that.
This book was given to me by the author for an honest review, I’m passing this book onto a second hand store and hoping it will reach someone that really needs it.
3 stars rating/review on this one.
So what’s this book about?
Early October 2019, Stephanie Hammond received the call she’d dreaded for years. Her son, Charlie, had been arrested. He had been addicted to one substance or another since he was 14-years-old. It became his response to emotional trauma, and Charlie had had an extraordinary share of trauma.
When his habit escalated into dealing, her worst nightmare became prison visits, bail, parole, and much, much more.
An Addict in the Family is an intimate memoir of a mother’s love as she endeavours to reconnect with her son and navigate the maze of justice and drug rehabilitation services. In this heart-breaking example of how addiction affects not just the addict but also their families, there is a reminder that you are not alone, and you can find peace again.
Stephanie Hammond Author 