Joy of Walking

and Another “C” word

Dear Reader

An Unexpected Walk – and Talk

Neil and I walk nearly every day the weather allows. We spied this lovely spider web on one of our walks along the river.

And twice a week we attend a class at our local gym (four minutes walk from home). Last week there was no doubt that the winter has gone and Sally, our instructor, was full of joy for the signs that summer is here at last. She ended the formal part of our class 10 minutes early and we set off for a brisk walk around the edge of the park and back to the gym.

It was an opportunity to talk to each other in a way we might not have had the chance to before. We found out travel plans, health concerns, leisure plans for the weekend and all in all it was a lovely opportunity for connection (ooh! Another “C” word!!)

I recently came across this aricle from the Guardian. It’s a great read but if you don’t have time to read it all – the bottom line is: walking with others is a great way to open up to another about what is going on in your life. A moment of intimacy, of sharing, of being vulnerable – and ultimately of enriching your life and, maybe as the author’s mother said, to: “feel free again.”

This week’s “C Word”

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Consequences

Recently I had a conversation about possible catalysts for addiction. I’ve long attributed unresolved trauma as a major basis of addictions. Another person suggested it was a result of not learning to take responsibility for things they were doing in their life.

I started ruminating on the process of how we learn, and teach, the natural consequences of our actions.

The formative years

From the time we are young we are warned of negative consequences. For example, “Don’t touch the heater, it’s hot and you’ll get burned.” If we do touch a hot surface, we quickly learn the consequences.

As we grow, understanding the fundamental concept of cause and effect is at the core of our journey towards recognising consequences. During our preteen and teen years we hopefully start to connect the dots between our behaviours and potential outcomes. We learn that our choices have a direct impact on the world around us, affecting not only ourselves but also our family and friends. This growing comprehension of cause and effect is essential to our intuitive and emotional development, empowering us to make more informed decisions and navigate the complexities of life and relationships. Hopefully, we are learning to be true to our own selves at the same time.

In my early parenting years I think I focused more on negative consequences, as did my parents, especially my father. Having lost two of his sisters in their teens, he was forever warning me of potential dangers. I still hear him: “Don’t climb trees/the fence/on the hen-house roof; don’t jump out of the tree/off the roof you’ll get hurt.”

It’s obvious why we focus on negative consequences. We don’t want ourselves or others to be hurt. But how do we learn or teach positive consequences? And is ‘consequence’ even the right word here?

Positive Consequences?

The thesaurus has these synonyms for ‘consequence’: aftereffect, aftermath, effect, fallout, issue, reaction, and repercussion.

None of these convey a totally positive image to me. So I asked my AI brainstorming buddy, ChatGPT, for some positive synonyms. The list includes ‘ramification’ and ‘repercussion’, words that still have negative connotations. However, the list also includes empowering words such as: result, outcome, effect, fruit, yield, product, reward, and achievement.

I like to think I focused on positive ‘consequences’ of actions during my early parenting years. One of my favourite family activities was playing at being pixies. The goal of the game was to do something nice for someone without their knowing. My goal for my family was for us all to learn the joy of giving. It gives me great joy in seeing not only my children have this trait, but so do their children.

I wish I’d put more words to the positive consequences I was hoping for them to experience as they were growing up. I don’t remember long discussions. I do remember having fun, though. And that’s the secret, I think. Bring more fun into our daily interactions with those we care about. Enjoy them, give them a sense of your love for them through fun activities.

Trauma

So does trauma come into the equation? Trauma comes from a broad range of experiences, broadly categorised within physical, emotional and psychological events. Some events that cause trauma are: accidents, falls or physical assaults; distressing events including abuse, neglect, or loss of a loved one; and deep emotional scars caused by severe stress through natural disasters, war, or witnessing violence.

Trauma can impact a person’s self-esteem and self-worth, leading to a sense of hopelessness or a belief that they are destined for negative outcomes. In such cases, recognizing the potential consequences of their actions may seem less relevant or achievable. Specialized support and therapeutic interventions may be required to address the emotional wounds caused by trauma, encouraging a healthier perspective on the potential outcomes of actions and choices.

But we aren’t always aware that a traumatic event has occurred in another’s life, or the influence the trauma may have on a person’s ability to navigate consequences. It’s my belief that when taking responsibility and assessing consequences appears difficult for a loved one, we need to look to the possibility of trauma and provide the necessary assistance and guidance for healing and growth. Staying close to a loved one when we might be pushed away is not easy. But we can find ways to let our loved one know we love them and are there for them.

I wish I’d had this understanding years ago, for myself as well as for those I love. I am aware of my own addictions, and the trauma that led to them. I’ve enjoyed these past few years of self discovery and working through some of the unpleasant and traumatic events in my own life. I’m now finding healthier ways of dealing with emotional and psychological upsets without masking the pain with unhealthy substances and practices, as I did before.

And never lose the wonder

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I’ve written of my love for Waitakaruru Sculpture Park. This chap is always a joy to see as we drive around the bend on our way to our fortnightly care for the rock garden.

I am always amazed at the perception someone had to create this friendly face out of a fallen tree. You come across him from behind as you are walking out of the park. You need to be vigilant and keep your eyes peeled for this and other joyful art work.

There are wonders all around us, we just have to look for them.

Enjoy the next couple of weeks until we connect again.

Much love

Stephanie

A Friendly Reminder

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On Saturday 13 January 2024 at The Sculpture Park at Waitakaruru Arboretum between 10 am and noon the Writer’s Chat event will be held in the cafe area shown in the photo. I’ll be joined by fellow creatives Phoebe Wilby, my daughter visiting from Ireland, and Bella Hessell, my granddaughter from Waiheke Island. Phoebe is also an author and Bella is an artist and illustrator.

Save the date, for those who are close by. Join me, Phoebe and Bella and enjoy the park at the same time (and morning tea!)

My thought for Living Life in 2023 and beyond:

“Write it on my heart that every day is the best day of the year”Ralph Waldo Emerson

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