Awards, Friendship, & Resilience after the 2011 Earthquake

Dear Reader

A visit to Christchurch

Award

We had a special reason for visiting Christchurch last week. My husband, Neil, was to receive an award from his peers for his contribution to his profession at a conference. It was wonderful to hear a list of his accomplishments and to see the high esteem his colleagues have for him. Well done, Neil!

Friendship

Christchurch is home to dear friends we haven’t seen since we travelled back to the North Island from our five year stay in Dunedin. The prospect of seeing them again was as strong a motivation for going to Christchurch as was attending the conference dinner to be with Neil as he received his award.

We never tire of catching up with special friends and are always grateful when our schedules match and they have time for us. The years seem to drop away and we slip easily into the old comaraderie, swapping stories and catching up with life. I’m always surprised when the evening comes to an end. Disappointed that the time is so short, but energised and envigorated and comforted to know that this will not be the last time we spend time in their company.

The City

Christchurch has always held a special place in my heart. During my career as a town planner I worked here a little. I stayed in the same motel each time and walked across Hagley Park to the office. I loved those walks and I loved exploring the city.

Sure, the layout of the city, the green spaces, the historic buildings reminiscent of Brittain all had their appeal to my planner mind. But it was more than this that stayed with me and drew me back. The sounds of the birds in the park, muted a little by voices and laughter. The sound of traffic in the distance travelling on the road ringing the Park. The warmth of the sunlight filtering through the trees. And the feeling of freedom as I strode through the park on my way to meeting up with colleagues I’d grown to respect and love. These were some of my memories of Christchurch.

Resilience from Disaster?

Then came the earthquake of 2011. When we came through in 2016, there was still a lot of rubble and disbelief at the carnage.

This visit I was keen to see the progress. There were new buildings I wanted to explore but most of all I was keen to see what progress was happening in Cathedral Square.

Tell me, have you ever been to an area recovering from a ‘natural disaster’? Or a not-so-natural disaster?

There’s an excitement about the centre of Christchurch – an air of anticipation. New buildings, construction sites, people shopping and milling about, locals and tourists, snippets of conversations, notice boards with project information – are all there in and around Cathedral Square. The new library is an impressive building and a hub of learning related activities. I was excited to learn they have a writers’ group that meets regularly.

But for me, and many others too I suspect, it will be when the Chathedral is fully restored that I will know Christchurch has moved on from the earthquake. It’s been 12 years and repairs to the Cathedral are still ongoing. It will be another five years before completion.

My question is, how do we carry on in these situations? An earthquake is such a violent event, physical recovery is measurable. What of the emotional recovery? How do we build a life around the emotional effects of loss and horror? I’ve come to learn that the grief and fear and sense of powerless doesn’t necessarily lessen with time.

Nor do we “get over it” as so many seem to think we must be able to do. What we do instead is build a life that grows bigger over time. A full life that gives us relief, somewhere to go, things to do. A Life that softens the impact of the effects of our dreadful experience.

It is harder to do this when daily you are confronted with physical reminders, like the unfinished reconstruction of such an iconic structure as the Christchurch Cathedral.

A friend shared this image with me from Lois Tonkin’s work on grief.

Christchurch symbolises this process. There’s evidence everywhere that life is growing bigger. Will it ever feel ‘normal’ again? I don’t know. What I do know is people are showing a resilience I don’t think I would have.

I’ve come away from our visit to Christchurch with mixed emotions. I’m grateful for our friends, for recognition of a life of service to his profession, that beauty is being restored to the city. I’m also saddened at the evidence of the pain and grief. My hope is that life grows bigger than the pain. I do realise it’s my own sadness and not necessarily that of Christchurch residents that I feel. And I look forward to seeing how that life has grown on my next visit.

Projects and Progress

My own life has its grief creating events, come to the fore right now, not from the Christchurch visit, but because I have embarked on a new project.

Another memoir is begging to be written. I don’t know if this will be of any interest to anyone, not even my grandchildren who regularly ask me for examples of “what life was like for you back when …”

A memoir is a very intimate thing to write. The thoght of sharing my story is scary. And my current topic is even more scary to write as it encompasses a large part of my life. I’m writing about relationships, mainly the good the bad and the ugly of my several marriages – and of my lives in between. Mainly I’ll be writing the good – because, through it all, I remain positive and hopeful and my adventurous spirit has only thrived. At least, that’s my take on it. Certainly I’ve learned a lot, and it’s that learning I want to uncover and share. After all, we are not so unique that any of us escape pain, or the growth and learnings that come through that pain.

I’m sharing this to be accountable. Now it’s out there I can’t stop until it’s done. Or if I do stop, I’ll have to have a very compelling reason to do so!

Will you hold me accountable? Ask me ‘how’s it going?’ when you see me, or email or post? I hope I can write this memoir in a way that will be meaningful to a reader. I’ll be asking for your help going forward too.

Back to the memoir! See you next fortnight.

Much love

Stephanie

Not long now!

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On Saturday 13 January 2024 at The Sculpture Park at Waitakaruru Arboretum between 10 am and noon the Writer’s Chat event will be held in the cafe area shown in the photo. I’ll be joined by fellow creatives Phoebe Wilby, my daughter visiting from Ireland, and Bella Hessell, my granddaughter from Waiheke Island. Phoebe is also an author and Bella is an artist and illustrator.

Save the date, for those who are close by. Join me, Phoebe and Bella and enjoy the park at the same time (and morning tea!)

My thought for Living Life in 2023 and beyond:

“Write it on my heart that every day is the best day of the year” Ralph Waldo Emerson

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