Dear Reader

The Stories We Tell Ourselves

This is an exerpt from my introductory post on my new Substack.

Some stories come from lived experience, like navigating my son’s addiction and the long road of recovery. Others are shaped by imagination, like the cozy mystery I’m writing, set in a small café where trust is both tested and rebuilt. Some of my life stories still bring tears. Others make me smile. And many are filled with memories that warm my heart.

I write for anyone who’s ever carried a burden across generations, and for anyone who longs to heal forward.

Stories we wrestle with

One of the many stories I wrestled with for over 70 years was my near drowning at age 4. Four-year-old me knew my mother tried to drown me. From that moment on, I never trusted her. Over the years, we battled a lot. We were civil with others around. It was only when we were alone that we allowed ourselves to be brutally honest.

Over the years I came to understand her – she had an abusive childhood, never knew her parents … you can imagine the rest. She died in 2003. Whenever I thought of her, my four-year-old self popped in, reminding me not to be too charitable. “Remember, she tried to drown you when you were only four!”

At last I found a way to set down the weight of that old story.

This year, in March, I read that we can reframe our stories, tell them how we wanted them to be. What we wished had happened. How an imagined outcome would have shaped the following years.

I decided to rewrite my 73 year old trauma story, as a piece of fiction – different names, different outcome. As I wrote, I realised another truth of that event. Since then, my heart has been lighter, I talk and laugh with my mother like she is still alive and we have become best friends.

I’ve learned it’s never too late to rewrite the stories we wrestle with,

And I want to share that rewritten event with you. Skip to the end if you don’t want to read it all. I won’t be offended.

​

The Fruit Knife

The two women sat companionably talking. Denise took out a small package, hesitated, then fondled it for a moment before pushing it across the table. Her fingers trembled slightly.

“I bought this for you when you were four,” she said, rubbing her hands together, then clenching them in her lap, trying to still their shaking.

Sarah raised an eyebrow. “I remember what happened when I was four, you know.” Her voice was quiet, but there was an edge to it. “Why give this to me now?”

She hesitated before unwrapping it, her fingers brushing over the faded wrapping paper, brittle with age.

“I found it when I was sorting through some things,” Denise muttered. “I thought it was time I gave it to you.”

She should have given the little fruit knife to Sarah years ago – right after she bought it. Maybe things would have been different between them. But she had wanted to be sure Sarah would keep it. Her daughter had always been careless with gifts, something Denise had noticed from an early age. No matter how carefully she chose them, they never seemed to stay in Sarah’s possession. Over the years, she had spotted her gifts on friends, cousins, even strangers.

“Oh, they needed it more than I did,” Sarah would say with a shrug, as if that were reason enough to discard the carefully chosen tokens of love.

But this knife was different. It had meant more than any other gift she had ever given anyone. She had clung to it, unable to part with it, though she had never fully understood why.

Now, at last, she had given it to Sarah. And her daughter remembered. Denise had not realised, not until this moment, how much that day had haunted her, too.

“You tried to drown me.”

The words landed like a blade to the gut – sharp, deep, unrelenting. Not the gentle fruit knife, but a butcher’s boning knife, slicing through decades of unspoken resentment.

Denise recoiled but forced herself to remain still. The air between them felt heavy, electric with things left unsaid. She had come too far to run now.

“Please,” she said softly, “let me tell you how it happened for me.”

Sarah’s lips pressed into a thin line, but she nodded.

When Sarah was four, they had gone to Mooloolaba for their annual summer holiday. Denise had always loved the water and had hoped, desperately, that this would be the year her daughter would learn to love it too. Every day, she had coaxed her into the waves, had held her hands and laughed with her as the water surged around them. Sarah had clung to her tightly, but by the second week, she had started to relax, even jumping up and down in the shallows.

Denise had felt a flicker of triumph, a moment of ease. Then a rogue wave crashed into them, knocking her off balance. She lost her grip on Sarah. They tumbled, tossed and swallowed by the sea.

Denise had panicked, flailing in the water, desperate to find her little girl. When she finally stumbled back onto the shore, gasping, Sarah had already been pulled from the water by her father. She had turned her back on Denise, refusing to look at her, refusing to speak to her for a week.

Sarah had never forgiven her. And now Denise understood. Sarah had believed, all this time, that she had held her down.

Denise swallowed hard. “I was mortified. It didn’t matter what your father said, I knew you hated me. I searched everywhere for the perfect gift, something to show you how much I loved you. And then I found this knife. It was tucked away in a little haberdashery store, nestled among odds and ends of cutlery. I thought you’d love it, that you’d use it in your tea parties with your dolls. I wanted it to be a bridge between us.”

Sarah looked down at the small knife, still resting in its purple velvet sleeve. “But you never gave it to me. And you never told me you were sorry.”

Denise’s breath hitched. She had meant to give it to her that very night. But she had hesitated. What if Sarah lost it? What if she gave it away? All her relief that she hadn’t drowned her own child had become bound up in the small, fragile thing. So she had waited. And waited. And waited.

Every year, just after Christmas, she would take it out, turn it over in her hands, and decide it still wasn’t the right time.

Denise sighed, the weight of years pressing against her ribs. “I never understood you,” she admitted, voice barely above a whisper. “Not as a child. Not even now.”

Sarah traced the handle of the knife with her fingertip, lost in thought.

“Do you realise how that moment shaped my whole life?” Her voice was thick with emotion, her fingers tightening around the knife. “I thought you meant to drown me. I still feel the fear of it – the saltwater choking me, the waves swallowing me whole, the terror of knowing I was alone. And I thought… I thought I couldn’t trust you.”

Tears streamed down her face, unchecked, unhidden. She pulled the knife from its sheath and stared at it.

Denise held her breath.

Sarah’s grip loosened. She exhaled, slowly, looking up at her mother with something unreadable in her eyes.

“You didn’t mean to drown me.”

A statement. A realisation.

“No,” Denise whispered. “I didn’t.”

Sarah looked down at the knife again.

“This knife…” Her voice broke slightly. “You kept it all these years?”

Denise nodded.

Sarah swallowed hard, then slid the knife back into its sheath and closed her fingers around it.

The weight of it felt different now. Not a weapon. Not a wound. But something else entirely.

“Why did you wait so long?” she asked.

Denise shook her head. “I don’t know.”

For the first time in years, she reached across the table and covered Sarah’s hand with her own. And, for the first time in years, Sarah didn’t pull away.

Stephanie Hammond, © March 2025

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What story are you holding on to? Is it time to reframe it? The freedom I feel from releasing the weight of that old story is priceless. I laugh about that now, and rejoice in being able to heal from the fears that stemmed from my interpretation of that event. It may be true – I know that. But in all honesty, I prefer Denise and Sarah’s story. What about you? Can you rewrite your old stories?

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Health Update

I’m enjoying life again! Not fully back to ‘normal’ – but I’m writing and being more physical. Still not reading and gym work is minimal compared to what I was doing.

However, my final visit to the ophthalmologist was an eye opener.

His verdict – no eye exercises. Keep wearing my piggybacked glasses, add the reading ones too if I can handle the weight, and my eyes should settle on their own, by September. If not, the solution is simple. Get a new prescription.

Simple – and I”m relieved, as you can imagine. The piggybacked glasses are heavier than a single pair, but I can deal with that. And it’s July. So two more months at the most, and I’ll be much more comfortable.

In the meantime, I’m looking after myself with as much exercise as I can handle, getting stronger, enjoying the winter sun today as I write this. Life is good.

Thank you again for your well wishes. I feel your kind thoughts for healing. It helps, believe me.

With love
Stephanie

​

My thoughts for Living Life in 2025 and beyond:

​

“My religion is kindness”

Dalai Lama

“Cast your bread upon the waters and it will
come back – buttered”

Doris May Payne – my mother

“Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing”

Helen Keller

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Remember that sometimes not getting
what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
​​
Dalai Lama

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,
please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
through my website:

http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

FOLLOW ME
Join me on my Substack.
Like, post and comment at any of the links below.

​​​

​

Dear Reader

Advice from a book summary

I came across a post in Facebook discussing a book the writer had previously read. The title appealed to me, and, as I’m still not reading, I enjoyed her summary It might appeal to you, if you’ve ever wished you’d kept your mouth shut too.

One quote from the book struck a chord with me and brought back a flood of memories,

“Just Because You Can Say It Doesn’t Mean You Should: Karen opened with something that immediately gripped me: the freedom to speak doesn’t come with the license to say everything. She shared moments where her unchecked words caused unintended pain. I found myself nodding, remembering times I let honesty trump kindness. This lesson made me pause and ask: Is what I’m about to say helpful, or just a reaction? For anyone with a quick tongue or a tendency to “tell it like it is,” this truth humbles and heals.”

I was reminded of a time a group of us women were chatting over morning tea. I can’t remember how an absent member’s name came up (I’ll call her Trina) but soon I was mouthing off about her choice of husband. “Trina is so beautiful, inside and out. Why do you think she married Bill? He’s such a slob compared to her.” I probably illustrated this comment with some unkind (but true) observations.

Then I was interrupted by a quiet voice telling us of a discussion she’d had with Bill’s sister. “She was full of praise for Trina, and deep gratitude for the changes they’d seen in Bill since Trina came into his life.” Not one word of censure came from her mouth, but I got the message, loud and clear.

I could tell you about many times I wished I had understood that just because I can say it (and even when it needed to be heard) it doesn’t mean I should take it on myself to be the one telling it. It’s enough to say I’ve learned over the years to not have such a ‘quick tongue’ and to check whether it is my place to ‘tell it like it is’,

When I can read comfortably again, I’m going to read Karen Ehman’s book. I’m sure she has a lot to teach me still!

In the midst of winter, new growth foreshadows spring

It was a cold, frosty morning yesterday. Still the frog from last newsletter smiled in the sunshine. And more than this sweet inanimate creature, new growth is pushing its way into the light.

Tulips are one of my favourite flowers and now I see why. In the midst of cold and darkness (metaphorically or otherwise) tulips bravely pushing through the cold earth into the light give me a clear reminder that there is indeed “light at the end of the tunnel”. Before their promise is fully realised, they have gladdened my heart and confirmed hope into my day.

I’m being reflective lately. That comes from not being able to engage in a lot of busy-ness.

Health Update

A couple of days ago I drove the car by myself for the first time in several weeks – to the supermarket. And I shopped by myself as well. It was a joy. Neil reminded me that on a recent walk I read the weird text on a car’s personal numberplate before he could – confirming what I’d hoped – I’m either getting used to my “piggy-backed” glasses, or my sight is improving. So I took myself off to the supermarket, up and down the aisles, filling the trolley with the supplies we needed, and home again with no stress or mishap. Proud of myself.

Fun fact: “Piggy-backing” glasses – wearing two pairs as I’ve been doing for the past couple of weeks – is a ‘technical’ term used by my optometrist.

My trip to the optometrist has left me optimistic. No new prescription, but a way forward nevertheless. She is reluctant to give me a new prescription because, in her opinion, my double vision will benefit from some eye exercises to strengthen the eye muscles. She thinks a new prescription will act as a crutch and further weaken the muscles, resulting in a need for a stronger prescription, and an increase once more in this double vision problem I’m currently experiencing. Makes sense to me.

These eye exercises will be determined by an ophthalmologist specialising in strabismus (a vision condition where the eyes don’t properly align with each other when looking at an object). This condition was identified by the ophthalmologist I saw a couple of weeks ago and confirmed by the optometrist.

It appears the best person in Hamilton has just retired and working just one day a week, only seeing existing patients. It happens that I saw him briefly a few years ago when he was consulted by a fellow ophthalmologist who was examining my eyes and the double vision. This was enough to encourage him to see me and I have an appointment with him this week.

It’s been about three months or more now since this problem started. I am forever amazed and grateful that I’ve been seen by the right person every step of the way – in the right sequence to diagnose and build up a picture of what’s happening and who can help me at the next step.

I’m hopeful that the exercises will help and then it will be time to see whether I will need to continue with my current glasses, and/or what prescription will work. And I’m wondering if, at this stage in my life, will my eye muscles respond to a programme of exercises? I suspect yes, and why not? The rest of my body has been enjoying the strength training I’ve been doing at the gym this past few months and I’ve been building muscles. There’s no doubt, in my mind, that my eye muscles will enjoy that too!

Watch this space!

Thank you for your well wishes. It means a lot to know you are sending kind thoughts for healing in my direction.

With love
Stephanie

​

My thoughts for Living Life in 2025 and beyond:

​

“My religion is kindness”

Dalai Lama

“Cast your bread upon the waters and it will
come back – buttered”

Doris May Payne – my mother

“Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing”

Helen Keller

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Remember that sometimes not getting
what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
​​
Dalai Lama

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
through my website:

http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
the links below.

​​​​

​

Dear Reader

I love this frog!

It was a cold morning here in Hamilton. Cold and full of sunshine when we opened our lounge windows to be greeted by this cheery fellow. He was happy to see the sun too. He reminds me to enjoy the warmth of the sun, even in the cold of winter!

The best character strength to teach your children

This is a little book I wrote, and ten-year-old granddaughter Bella illustrated, about 15 years ago. There’s a back story about Beatrice, but I’ll share that another time. In this story she learns about compassion, a trait akin to kindness. If you’re curious, it’s free to download on Amazon Kindle.

I picked up my copy of this little book and started to think about kindness. I thought about the Dalai Lama who said My religion is kindness. Although I don’t embrace any formal religion, my own spirituality is informed and shaped by this sentiment. My religion, if I have to have one, is kindness.

Beatrice’s story led me to think about the people who have shown kindness to me over the years – those who extended a learning opportunity. As a mother of youngsters, I was forever hearing ‘It’s not fair!’ and I struggled to be both fair and to take into account each child’s unique need at the time. My friend Betty saw my struggle and shared with me how she had stopped yielding to the call for “fairness” and instead focussed on sharing the practice of being kind with her brood.

I found that accentuating the kindness in the situation took the stress away. I notice an enduring element of kindness in all my children, and their children, that warms my heart. Focusing on kindness brought an element into our lives that lead to new activities like ‘being a pixie’.

We played ‘pixies’ often. We’d choose someone to do something nice or something kind for. The aim was to do it without the person ever knowing it came from you. If the person found out, we would start over. I loved seeing the fun we had thinking up ‘kind’ acts for our family, neighbours and friends. We all loved the ‘secret’ element of the game.

Years ago when I was a young widow struggling to manage my home and two young children, I was given my first lesson in the importance of accepting kindness. I was struggling to start my lawn mower. My neighbour jumped the fence and offered to start it for me, which I gratefully accepted. Then, to my horror, he started to mow the lawn. I’ll never forget what he said when I protested:

“Why would you deny me the blessings that come from helping you?” That shut down my protests.

Today I have experienced an abundance of others’ kindnesses to me. I’ve also had the opportunity to be kind to someone else. It amazes me how good it feels to do something kind. All this in one day.

Neil and I went for a walk. We were stopped by a woman whose phone was out of battery. She was so apologetic as she asked for directions. I reassured her it was not a problem and we opened our phone to the maps and showed her what route to take. She was grateful, but it wasn’t only her gratitude that got me. It was my own gratitude that we actually were asked, that she felt safe to stop us and ask us for help. It was a bonus that we actually could help her.

These memories and experiences have made me more determined to accept someone else’s offers of assistance. There is joy in receiving and there is joy in giving. I want to give that joy, and receive it as well

Today was a day of lots of kindnesses observed, received, and given. I look forward to more of the same in the days and weeks ahead.

​

Health Update

I have to admit I was falling into a fit of depression last week. The headaches still haven’t cleared and the struggles with my double vision have been debilitating.

I have two pairs of glasses with prism prescriptions. Through the day one or the other pair would give me a bit of relief, not enough and not long enough to trust it to last. So still not driving. I started to feel sorry for myself. And then stopped and thought. There has to be a way!

I wondered what it would be like if I tried both pairs of glasses at the same time. It was a distraction to take me from the frustration. Maybe I’d think of something that would help if I played around with how I was feeling. BUT! I was surprised at the result.

When I put both pairs on, one on top of the other, I could see 90% perfectly! Enough for me to call out to Neil – “Let’s go for a long walk! I can see!”

So, although those pesky health challenges are still with me, I can find some relief! I still can’t drive, or read a book and computer work is tiring. But I will see the optometrist this week and I am hopeful she will have some positive solutions for me!

May you find joy in both receiving and extending kindness over the coming weeks.

With love
Stephanie

​

My thoughts for Living Life in 2025 and beyond:

​

“My religion is kindness”

Dalai Lama

“Cast your bread upon the waters and it will
come back – buttered”

Doris May Payne – my mother

“Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing”

Helen Keller

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Remember that sometimes not getting
what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
​​
Dalai Lama

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
through my website:

http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
the links below.

​​​​

​

Dear Reader

Wedding Anniversary

I am soooo excited. This week Neil and I celebrate our 14th wedding anniversary. The photo I’m sharing sits on our kitchen wall as a reminder of that beautiful day. I often look at the photo of Neil and see how happy he was then. I look so I can check if I still see that joy today. Last time I looked though, my eyes fell on my face and the joy I see reflected there grabbed at my heart in recognition that I still feel that joy now – seven fold.

We’ll celebrate the day with a meal at our favourite restaurant – with my oldest and youngest daughters who, of all our children, are the only ones who live in our area. It’s going to be a fun, loving time!

I’ve experienced many adventures in my life, each one giving me memories that build on each other. Some of course haven’t always been easy to cope with at the time. One day, I’ll write that book I’ve been threatening to write – the “tell all” story about my life.

Since we met, just shy of 15 years ago, Neil and I’ve enjoyed quite a few adventures. Today, I’m thinking of the adventures marriage to Neil has brought into my life. Those that surprise and please me the most though, are the things he says. If you overheard him, you’d wonder what is extraordinary about his words that could surprise me. It’s the context, you see. He says things that warm my heart because, in the past, in the distant past I’m thankful to say, I was told the opposite. And he doesn’t know that. He just says what he says because that’s the way he is, and that’s what I love about him.

Do you mind if I share something personal? How we met?

I’d been living in the USA for a few years and came back to NZ to find my best friend had met the love of her life on a dating site. A colleague had the same experience, as did my cousin.

I was encouraged to ‘give it a go’ too. Long story – short: I agreed to register on the app. I reflected for a long time on what qualities I wanted in a mate, and what qualities I thought I had to offer. And then I put up my profile. And that’s how Neil and I met. In our 60s, on a dating app. Just over two years after I came home. I took a while to go through that registration process.

One day, I’ll write the extended version, but for now – you’ve got the picture. The qualities I looked for were those my soul needed to be surrounded and nourished by. Ones that allowed me to be myself, to grow in any direction my heart yearned. I’ll be reflecting on how that looks and feels to me before I put it all into that extended version. For now, I’m thrilled to say that Neil ‘still’ embodies those qualities that bless my life every day. And it’s been long enough now for me to know that that’s the way it will be ‘forever’.

Thank you, my dear companion, for choosing to be in my life, for growing our love for each other daily.

Updates

Website

I’m pleased to say that my website: www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com has a new look and is live. If you find any discrepancies, or links that don’t work, please let me know. I am always grateful! The link below the newsletter should also take you there.

Health

First, let me say a huge thank you for your messages of support, and for being here with me.

Those pesky health challenges are still with me and I’m glad to say I’m still experiencing progress every day! Soon, I hope to be able to pick up a book and read! It’s still not easy at the moment. I remain hopeful, and grateful for dedicated health professionals.

I’m also grateful for Neil. You will have read about the support and help he was during the events subject of An Addict in the Family – and he hasn’t stopped there. During the past few weeks that I haven’t been able to drive, he’s willingly taken me to appointments, shopping – everywhere I needed to go. And he has taken on everyday tasks that have been too much for me lately. Thank you, my dear companion!

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With love
Stephanie

​

My thoughts for Living Life in 2025 and beyond:

​

“Cast your bread upon the waters and it will
come back – buttered”

Doris May Payne – my mother

“Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing”

Helen Keller

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Remember that sometimes not getting
what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
​​
Dalai Lama

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
through my website:

http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
the links below.

​​​​

​

Dear Reader

A little apology – Because last newsletter was a week late, I decided to keep to my schedule and share this newsletter on my Tuesday, as per normal. But I’ve written this on Mother’s Day so I’m sending it out today, two days early! I’ll be back on schedule next time I promise!

Mother’s Day

I’m writing this on Mother’s Day because thoughts of my Mama have been with me since I woke up. This photo was taken not long before she died. Mum had vascular dementia and it was a rare moment of engagement. My sister and I tried to coax her into a smile and we were rewarded with this beautiful memory.

Mum had a lot of sayings and one that has stayed with me is:

Cast your bread upon the waters
and it will come back – buttered!

It’s been a philosophy that inspires me in the way I share with others. And, I have never gone hungry or experienced lack of anything I’ve willingly shared.

It’s been over 22 years since Mum left us. I speak with her often, as one does with those who have departed us. And I’ve come to understand her more than I did in life. For that I am grateful. Love you, Mama.

Thinking of Mum leads me to think of other women who have been influential in my life.

There are many. One of these is Maria. When I lived for a short time in San Diego, Maria and her husband were caretakers in my apartment building. They were illegal immigrants from Mexico. They had a vision of a better life for their son and daughter. In Mexico, her husband was a professional man, well educated and fluent in English. Maria herself had very little English. Her children were becoming fluent through their schooling.

I have to admit my Spanish was very rudimentary. I could say Hello, How are you, Very well thank you. But not converse. Through my friendship with Maria, I experienced the language where hearts speak to one another.

She invited me to breakfast with her one day and there, seated at the table together, she placed an urn between us.

With the sweetest of smiles, she touched the urn and, pointing to me, she said:

Mama, mi amiga, Stephanie.

Then she pointed to the urn and said:

Stephanie, mi Mama.

We didn’t converse in words the other understood. But I knew I was honoured to meet her mother and that she treasured our friendship so that she would share me with her mother.

Maria and I had only a few months together but she and her family have stayed in my heart and I often think about them and wonder how life has panned out over the past nearly 20 years. Perhaps her husband has found work that respects his learnings. Perhaps they have been granted US citizenship. Perhaps Maria is a grandmother by now. Whatever, my heart hopes she and her family are safe and happy.

Update

I wrote last time about some health challenges. I’m happy to report that I am much improved and have started back at the gym, taking a little longer walk every day, and generally experiencing joy without too much seeking!

May this find you well and happy and well connected with loving friends and family.

With love
Stephanie

​

My thoughts for Living Life in 2025 and beyond:

​

“Cast your bread upon the waters and it will
come back – buttered”

Doris May Payne – my mother

“Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing”

Helen Keller

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Remember that sometimes not getting
what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
​​
Dalai Lama

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
through my website:

http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
the links below.

​​​​

​

Dear Reader

Where do we find Joy?

Finding the joy in my every day life is something I’ve committed myself to over the past few years. I admit I’m not always successful. I don’t always like the things that pop up in my day – and sometimes the whole day appears to start miserably! Where’s the joy in that? And it’s been particularly hard the last few weeks.

Splitting headache, double vision that’s got a whole lot worse. I ended in the Emergency Department where the diagnosis was blood pressure was too high. Recommendation is to double my BP medication, see my GP, and come back if it’s worse. I left with pain killers – codeine being one which made me through up. I saw the opthalomologist who agreed the blood pressure might be the cause of the worsening double vision and recommended seeing my optometrist. I’ve made an appointment to see her on the 16th. I’m seeing my GP on 12th.

When I’m challenged beyond my comfort zone, it’s particularly hard to find the joy. And this has been a challenging time. I’m grateful to see that throughout this time, I’ve still been committed to finding the joy. Here’s some of the things I noted.

Every single person I’ve seen over this little journey has been caring, helpful, insightful, dedicated. I even got a few hugs along the way. Always a spirits lifter for me!

My darling husband is quietly attentive and willing to drive me where I need to go. And lots of hugs there too. Definitely helpful in relieving the stress.

My dear neighbour popped over and gave me a beautiful head massage. I felt the tension disappear.

And past stressful times popped into my head and reminded me that joy doesn’t have a hard time finding me.

Many years ago I took a market research job that entailed knocking on doors to interview residents of a certain age about a range of products or issues.

I always found the first call of the day excrutiatingly difficult. One such day I walked up and down the footpath of my alloted street waiting for the butterflies to settle and the courage to burst forth, getting more and more agitated.

As I walked, I saw a blackbird pecking in the grass on the verge, it suddenly grabbed an earthworm in its beak and my heart filled with joy. Seeing ‘the early bird gets the worm’ in action gave me the impetus to spring into action and knock on that first door. I was the early bird! I would get my quota of interviews and get home early too.

One of the most interesting things about these sorts of experiences is they tend to be easy to call to mind to motivate us in circumstances where we are similarly stuck. Or simply to remind us of what joy feels like. I’ve recalled this “seeing the early bird getting the worm” feeling often over the years.

In response to the well meaning query, “How’s your day going?” you’ve probably often heard this response, “Every day above ground is a good day”. I used to think of it as an attempt at humour. But after some deliberation, I’ve come to the conclusion that it is an attempt to lighten a stress the speaker may be feeling.

Try it next time you’re tempted to go into a tale of misery as a response and see if your spirits aren’t lifted a bit, if you don’t even get to feel a glimmer of joy.

Of course there are times when joy finds you! Like the little blackbird. And like on 26th April at the Ages of Pages Book Fair here in my hometown when my two-year-old great-grandson Haven ran up and gave me a loving joyful embrace. To be recognised with such love and joy prompts a healing response! You might think that he saves this type of welcome for people in his life (like me). But Haven is a little boy who spreads love and joy wherever he goes. He turned from me to the woman beside me and welcomed her in the same way. His loving naturee warms my heart.

As I type this, I’m grateful for such a soul in my life. He exemplifies joy and reminds me that it’s simple to feel joy, and spread that joy to others.

I’m seeing that as the sole purpose of our lives. Oh, and I’m feeling a lot better, thank you! Grateful nothing horrific is going on in my body and that the healing is happening.

Other challenges

Along the lines of the Swedish Death Cleaning I wrote about lately, I’ve been thinking of putting all my electronic affairs into order. It would be lovely, I’m thinking, to keep my website going for a while after the physical me is gone. Maintaining a website is expensive. Too expensive to expect my family to pay.

So I’m making the move to a different platform. I’m hoping the move will be seamless, but if you can’t find it in the near future, please come back and try again.

I’ll let you know below the newsletter with a new link when the new site is ready and active.

Thank you for being in my life. I am grateful to each of you who read, pass this on, and write to me. It is to you that I write.

With love
Stephanie

​

My thoughts for Living Life in 2025 and beyond:

​

“Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing”

Helen Keller

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Remember that sometimes not getting
what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
​​
Dalai Lama

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
through my website:

http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
the links below.

​​​​

​

Dear Reader

Daylight Savings
Some thoughts

We put our clocks back at 2am on April 6th, and thus Autumn is here, soon to be followed by winter.

I don’t know about you. I just do not understand the logic (is there any?) of this Daylight Savings practice. I was born in Queensland in Australia. Queenslanders voted not to have Daylight Savings, so in the summer we in New Zealand become three hours ahead of Queensland but only 2 hours ahead of the rest of the Eastern States.

In Queensland, there is generally no twilight. The sun sets and it gets dark pretty quickly. One benefit of living in New Zealand is the longer daylight hours, especially in the summer. During daylight savings, the night sky is light well after 10pm, sometimes till 11pm. So, my question has always been – why do we ‘need’ daylight savings here?

Conversely, we put our clocks forward just as it’s getting lighter in the morning and we end up with at least another month of getting out of bed in the dark.

I know I don’t have any influence over whether we have Daylight Savings or not. My father lived on the border of Queensland and New South Wales and had to manage two time zones. He had two clocks to remind him what the time was in each. I don’t have to do that. Thank goodness.

I actually love the early morning light and find myself resenting it being taken away from me! Grrr!

I end up sleeping in when I want to get up. It takes me longer to adjust (because of my attitude, I suspect!) and that resentment festers. But I’ve got a little mental trick now that helps me get up when I need to. I pretend I’m a spaceship about to be launched and I do the countdown: 5-4-3-2-1 – and I pull back the covers and jump out of bed! Easy peasy.

How do you manage the change in time in the Spring and Autumn? Maybe you can give me some ideas – Please!

The Booker International Prize 2025

Every year I look at the book prize results and struggle to find a book that grabs my attention. I think this year I might be spoiled for choice. The International Booker Prize 2025 Click the link and see what I mean.

A coming up theme for our bookclub is a translated book and this Booker list has shortlisted five novels and one collection of short stories – all translated from the original into English.

Max Porter, one of the judges, gives some compelling reasons why their choices merit our attention. He says:

“This shortlist is the result of a life-enhancing conversation between myself and my fellow judges. Reading 154 books in six months made us feel like high-speed Question Machines hurtling through space. Our selected six awakened an appetite in us to question the world around us: How am I seeing or being seen? How are we translating each other, all the time? How are we trapped in our bodies, in our circumstances, in time, and what are our options for freedom? Who has a voice? In discussing these books we have been considering again and again what it means to be a human being now.

… We haven’t chosen these six books because we are book experts that think people need to be told what to read. We have chosen them because we need them, we found them, and we love them. We need literature that shocks, delights and baffles and reveals how weird many of us feel about the way we are living now. Ultimately, these books widen the view. They enhance the quality of conversation we are all having. They don’t shut down debate, they generate it. They don’t have all the answers, but they ask extraordinary questions.”

What an attitude to have as you are considering what to read. I’m certainly looking for quality conversations about the times we are living in now. And I’m looking forward to reading the ones Neil and I’ve chosen out of the six – and perhaps I’ll read them all. What about you? Do any of these appeal to you?

The ones we’ve chosen, and bought the kindle versions for, are:

• ​On the Calculation of Volume I by Solvej Balle, translated from Danish by Barbara J. Haveland​
• ​Under the Eye of the Big Bird by Hiromi Kawakami, translated from Japanese by Asa Yoneda​

I have a pile of TBR books right now! All are at the top of my list! I’m stressing a bit, I have to admit. I keep thinking – winter’s on its way, that’s why I’ve got this big pile! I can’t show you them all, because some are on Kindle, but here’s a few hard cover ones.

I love books – reading and writing and talking about them! I have often found my own life’s situations described between the pages. I’ve been comforted to see how others have resolved seemingly insurmountable problems and find courage and comfort in the writings of others.

Ages of Pages Book Fair, Hamilton April 26th 2025

Talking about books – If you are in reach of the Waikato region on April 26th (that’s the day after ANZAC Day for us in New Zealand), come along to our Ages of Pages Book Fair Click on that link for time and location details. It’s an opportunity to chat with the authors, and get them to sign their books you can buy from them. You might even get to see me there.

You’ve seen my own authored books (may even have a copy of one or more!) but have you seen my granddaughter Payton’s debut poetry book Where the Stars Swim? Honestly, she is a fantastic poet! Sure, I’m biased, but I’m also very savvy. She is inspirational! It’s a book of poetry any woman would be delighted to have for Mother’s Day! She will be at the Book Fair too!

Long may books be written. May they always be available to us – to ease the pain and reflect the joys of all our lives.

With love
Stephanie

​

My thoughts for Living Life in 2025 and beyond:

​

“Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing”

Helen Keller

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Remember that sometimes not getting
what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
​​
Dalai Lama

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
through my website:

http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
the links below.

​​​​

​

Dear Reader

Trees and Water – and Good Company

The past two weeks have been a delightful feast of ‘trees and water – and good company’ for me!

Have you ever anticipated something that didn’t happen, then, years later, it’s promised to you again? Years ago, my friend Tina tried to come visit us – and for various reasons got to the airline gate and was denied her flight. AND Wednesday week ago she finally arrived – bringing her friend, Cathy, with her (now our friend too!)

We planned a feast. If I show you briefly what we did, you’ll get the idea of what a feast this was:

All good things come to an end. Sometimes they end too soon, like this trip. But you’ll see by this small selection of photos that these memories will last a lifetime. Trees and water – and great company – these are what my soul longs for and appreciates so much. Thank you Tina, Cathy and Neil for sharing these few days together.

And growing fitter every day!

Maybe – no, not ‘maybe’ – it’s yes! This is true! I am getting fitter every day!

Yesterday I met with my fitness trainer. She had a new programme for me and we went through it – some of the equipment I hadn’t used for years. I can’t share the video, but I’m so excited to share this screenshot from it.

For the last few months I’ve been eyeing this machine, feeling nostalgic for the times I used to enjoy extending myself with it. Today I did 2 sets – and did 11 pull ups in one of them! Maybe in both!

Now I know I’m well on the way to being fitter than I thought I could be at this stage in life. I am grateful to be able to try new things, that my body supports me in the adventures I undertake, and responds when I give it the opportunity to be healthier.

Together we’ll make it to 140!

Here’s to health throughout our lives, yours and mine!

With love
Stephanie

​

My thoughts for Living Life in 2025 and beyond:

​

“Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing”

Helen Keller

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Remember that sometimes not getting
what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
​​
Dalai Lama

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
through my website:

http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
the links below.

​​​​

​

Dear Reader

Fear – What does it mean?

Can you think of a time when something you perceived as a threat was not based on actual danger, but on your own view of the situation as a threat? Have you seen this meaning of fear in your life?

F – False

E – Evidence

A – Appearing

R – Real

This acronym for FEAR has always intrigued me. And over the years I’ve drawn comfort from knowing that my fears are not necessarily based in reality. In fact, in hindsight I see that most of my fears have been irrational.

I grew up in Australia

Every Australian child who lives in the bush learns a healthy respect for reptiles. Snakes can be heard rustling in the underbrush. Snakes like to curl up in the rafters of the hen house. Snakes eat things that live in the bush too.

We were taught to take a big stick with us and beat the ground with it while talking loudly. “Snakes are as afraid of you as you are of them,” we were told. Some of us believed this. I always made sure I was with someone else, not quite ready to believe I was able to keep these creatures away.

I had some opportunities to confront snakes while I still lived in Australia. I never actually touched one until I was living in the USA. Here I had three memorable encounters that left me with a great love and affinity for these beautiful creatures.

Amicalola Falls State Park, Georgia

My friend Nicky took me to ‘see’ the Appalachian Trail. I dearly wanted to hike this amazing route and I’ll be forever grateful that she took me to a place where I could at least stand on the trail. While we were in the vicinity, we visited the visitors centre to the Park.

I was looking at some snakes in a display case when the attendant came over, took one out, and let me admire it up close. The phone rang and she put the snake on my shoulder saying, “Here, hold this while I answer the phone.”

My only fear was that it would be scared of me! I can still feel the softness of its skin. Amazing not to feel fear for myself!

Gatorland in Orlando

Within a few days of my visit to Nicky, I was staying in Orlando. I’m not one for the hype of such places, but I wanted to visit Gatorland. I had an idea for a story featuring crocodiles and thought this would be a great place for some research. It was!

I was also thrilled to see there was a photo opportunity. AND as I was on my own, I got to hold both a baby Alligator and a snake! I was in heaven, as you can tell by the photo below.

India, 2007

About a month ago I shared a similar image to the one below in the newsletter. This photo was taken in 2007 on a guided trip to India. There were seventeen of us travelling from the USA. How I got to go on this Buddhist pilgrimage is a story in itself. It’s not that story I want to share here though. On that trip, I was the only one of our group who wanted to come remotely close to this gorgeous creature.

The Secret – Overcoming Fears

Why was I unafraid? I wasn’t always so. In fact, during the first few decades of my life I was petrified – of heights, of drowning, of snakes.

For years, I spent so much time in fear, dodging situations that others were enjoying and finally I realised I was missing out on life. I decided to face those fears and turn them around.

By 2005, I was ready to face the unknown, to explore the USA and get to know what I was really made of – would I shrivel up under the weight of all these fears, or would I finally break free.

I’m sure you’ll agree the photos tell it all. I have developed a love of snakes to the extent that I look forward to these sorts of encounters.

I can feel some of you shuddering! But please, before you turn completely away from the possibility that you might enjoy being up close and personal with the object of your fear, let me share some important factors to keep in mind.

First: Is your fear rational? Is it there to keep you or others safe. I looked around for an example to illustrate this and realise that there isn’t one. Each situation is to be evaluated in the moment, looking at all the factors. What is a healthy fear today may be irrational tomorrow, and vice versa.

Second: Is there a guide? And is that guide someone you can trust?

In Amicalola, I quickly realised the attendant would never have given me the snake to hold if I was in any danger. Or if the snake was in danger from me.

The same was true of the photo opportunity in Gatorland – in fact, the baby gator’s mouth was taped to ensure I wasn’t going to be bitten.

I stood and watched several families have their photos taken before I judged the situation safe enough and the photographers careful.

And finally, in India, with this young boy, I felt safest of all. In last month’s newsletter you see me reaching out to touch the snake. I wanted to be sure my touch was acceptable to this lovely animal. It also gave me an opportunity to chat to the boy. No way would he be entrusted with this precious snake and with the duty to raise money, if he hadn’t been trained properly. See how he is holding the head of the snake in this photo. Away from me and away from himself. Obviously taking good care. Best of all, he spoke quietly to me the whole time I had the snake around my neck. He reassured me several times with “You are safe, Madam, the snake won’t hurt you.”

Third: And finally, remember that we all have the choice to live with irrational fear, or take steps to meet it head on. Having taken the chance to overcome fear, part or all of it, you might just find a way to live a more joyful life. The effort is well worth it.

Maybe take one baby step to rid your life of one of those fears and see what that courage inspires you to do next. Whatever brings you joy, I hope you take a few minutes each day for yourself.

With love
Stephanie

​

My thoughts for Living Life in 2025 and beyond:

​

“Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing”

Helen Keller

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Remember that sometimes not getting
what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
​​
Dalai Lama

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
through my website:

http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
the links below.

​​​​

​

Dear Reader

A gift from a Friend

At coffee yesterday, my friend surprised me with this perfect specimen from her garden. I was (am) mesmerised by the perfection of its flowerheard. I can see what I’ve been told is true – that the sunflower is a pseudanthium made up of many small flowers. I’ve never seen one so delicate. I hope my photo does it justice and you enjoy it too.

I’ve been doing
‘Swedish Death Cleaning’

Do you ever come across a concept that has the potential to change your life? And do you then totally forget where you came across that concept?

Well, that’s happened to me. Somewhere recently I heard about Swedish Death Cleaning and downloaded a Kindle sample of this book: The Gentle Art of Swedish Death Cleaning: How to Free Yourself and Your Family from a Lifetime of Clutter by Margareta Magnusson.

Contrary to what it seems, the idea of Death Cleaning isn’t morbid. It is to make it easier for your loved ones after you’ve passed away. You do the decluttering now so only the essentials, and those items that have the most meaning for you, remain. And isn’t that all we really need right now – regardless of how much longer we have to live?

Memories of my sister and I at Mum’s house going through her things flooded my mind as I read about Death Cleaning. Time and again we asked ourselves: What to do with … I won’t bore you with the list! Or what we did or didn’t keep. Suffice it to say, it was already a distressing time and to sort through and dispose of things we knew were precious to her at one point, but had no value to us, compounded our distress. If I could save my kids this, it would be worth whatever the effort.

I’m not having thoughts of my imminent departure, don’t be concerned. But the thought of decluttering with this in mind gave purpose to my periodic cleanouts that added a dimension of fun that I’d not experienced before.

I am thinking things like: What would my daughters make of all my ‘stuff?’ What would they be interested in? And, more importantly right now, What do I want/need in my life right now – at least until the next declutter round?

First, we cleaned out the bookshelves, reorganised those books we want to keep in order by genre and author alphabetical order. We only culled about 20 books out of our shelves – leaving us over 160 still. Tidier, with an e-catalogue for reference, and easier to deal with ‘when’ the time comes.

At “that” time, my writing books and resources will be bound for my author daughter (who will soon be moving to Australia.) I’m now going through those resources. The writing books are the easiest to deal with: Keep them all!

What’s been challenging about my writing resources, is dealing to all the bits of paper. I’ve been through shelves of carefully stored paper items. And soon I’ll go through it all again. Challenging, yes. But I must say, what a joy this process is also being!

I’ve come across saved notes from various courses I’ve done over the years. All in labelled binders. Then there’s my University transcripts, Degrees, Certificates, notes on professional development, references from employers and colleagues – and many others – all with the memories of who I was back then, the growth and progress both personally and professionally I’ve made.

All this paper stuff reminds me what I’ve known for a very long time: it’s the people I’ve met and worked with over the years that made my various positions and workplaces enjoyable. I loved my work and felt fulfilled as a result of the people.

I also came across some goal setting exercises I did through the years. I smiled to see one of my goals was to walk the Routeburn Track – which I mentioned having done with Neil in my last Newsletter. (Picture below). I’m glad to see some of my goals achieved!

Death Cleaning has given me a new zest for organising and tidying the spaces in our home. Through this process, and I’m just starting, I’m becoming more aware of what others might know about me, and what might come as a surprise, when they go through what I leave behind. Certainly, it’s come as a surprise to me to see most of my ‘current’ soul yearnings are the same as they were from the time I was a child. I’ve uncovered several memories that collectively reveal a lot about what sustains me and my passion for living. I know myself better as a result. I have more confidence to be the me I want to be.

I’ve come across several bits of writing as well and I’m thinking to share these in my Reader’s Group on Facebook. I’ve not shared much there yet. I’ve been a bit shy, but now’s the time to overcome that and share some of the different types of writing. If this interests you, click on the link and join the private group. I’ll post the first there in a few days.

Writing Practice with Payton

We’ve only got together twice so far and I think my granddaughter Payton agrees, it’s worthwhile sharing a couple of hours writing together. One of the things we do is write for 10 minutes on a topic. This is the sort of writing exercise I’ve never really enjoyed, but writing with Payton inspires me.

Last week we each wrote a poem based on a topic she chose with the help of ChatGPT. It’s a fun process, just set the timer and let the words flow. Have you done this? It really is fun.

I’m not a poet, I’m sure you’ll agree! Yet I enjoyed this process so much, I want to share my poem with you (briefly edited):

The House that Shaped Me

Two bedrooms, or maybe three.
Two siblings and me.
A large kitchen, with a coal range,
Lots of laughter around the table at tea.

A large backyard, and on the side
A vege patch; a chicken run
Trees over the fence
Where I could hide.

A doll’s house near the fence
Mine, alone, and to share.
Cricket bat for the boys, a bike, too.
But not for me, my bones might break.

Girls were to be protected.
Boys had fun,
With each other they connected.
Because two of Dad’s sisters died,
Through his fears, joys for us girls were denied.

That house, though inviting and warm,
I was glad to escape. I risked the harm
And in setting my own norm
Of what I could do, I created my own course.

No nostalgia for the house that built me.

February 28, 2025
​
​

Whatever brings you joy, I hope you take a few minutes each day for yourself. Maybe start your own Death Cleaning process and see what inspires you.

With love
Stephanie

​

My thoughts for Living Life in 2025 and beyond:

​

“Life is a Daring Adventure or Nothing”

Helen Keller

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Remember that sometimes not getting
what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
​​
Dalai Lama

“I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

Nelson Mandela

Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
through my website:

http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
the links below.

​​​​

​