Welcome to 2024
Family time
and another “C” Word

Dear Reader

A New Year is here!

Have you made a New Year’s Resolution? Personally, I don’t do that. At least not as I used to. In the past, I’d review the year that’s gone and decide where I wanted to put my first lot of energy. Invariably, my new resolutions would be the same as the year before – and the guilts would come flooding in. I don’t do that to myself anymore.

Similarly, I don’t write a summary of all the happenings in the year anymore. If I did, I’d be putting in the ‘big’ things – the trips and the visitors and the anniversary celebrations. But what about the little things that mean just as much but don’t get talked about in the same way. Like catching a glimpse of pink as I enter the gym and know it’s my friend on the treadmill. My heart warms to think we’ll catch up soon at the cafe. And that thought is with me as I enter the gym studio and see places reserved with weights or a drink bottle or I see someone else warming up on the floor – and I feel at home. This is my tribe. My friends who laugh and chat as we workout to the music and direction of our instructor. The warmth is matched by the sun shining and the view of the park outside our window. And then we adjourn to the cafe.

And afterwards we walk home and whatever the weather my heart lifts as we walk down the right of way to our place. The little ones across from us might be out and we wave to each other. Next door, the couple are tending the young native plants they are raising. From another neighbour we hear the happy sounds of children playing in the pool. And yet another little one happily playing outside. We come inside and my heart swells again in gratitude to the land agent who found us this house and for the peace we’ve created here.

And this is a ‘record’ of a few hours, in one day, repeated several times through the year. And there are many other “few hour slots” that also bring me joy. How can I share all this in a yearly record of my doings? Nor the countless other joy-making moments.

So for me, there’s no actual New Year’s Resolutions. No Annual News Report to friends and family. There’s just the quiet commitment to continue doing more. To continue finding joy in every day.

Family Time

My second daughter, Phoebe, and hubby, Eoghan, are here with us from Ireland (via a visit to their children in Australia).

We’ve been having a lovely time catching up on how good it feels to sit together, to give each other a hug, to reminisce about the past, to talk about our writing. Phoebe and I talk nearly every week for a couple of hours. When I left Australia in 1978, the only communication I had with my family was through letters. So I’m grateful for the technology that gives us this form of keeping close.

I’m glad it’s summer too. We’ve enjoyed some typical New Zealand summer activities, like paddling in the sea at the beach at Raglan, and visiting the world renowned Hamilton Gardens. Eoghan’s been able to enjoy exploring the surrounds by bike.

Their time with us is at the halfway mark. Today, as you receive this newsletter, we are going to Rotorua. Later this week, Phoebe and Eoghan will spend a couple of nights at Waitakaruru in their cottage overlooking the lake. On Saturday I’ll join them and while Neil does our fortnightly volunteering, Phoebe and I will be in the cafe, sharing our writing experience with all who come to visit the Park.

Other things we do while they are with us will stay in my memory. But most memorable will be those times Phoebe and I sit talking, planning and scoping our projects, enjoying the time we have to bounce ideas and sit and reflect and then bring up the topic again an hour or so later – things that are harder to do in our weekly video calls.

First “C” Word for 2024

I want to begin the year with a C word that I’ve had cause to review over the last few years – Cause.

I’ve learned over my life that we are very similar, you and I. So I’m going to be bold and assume you also have times in your life when things haven’t gone the way ‘they should’. You might also have felt that you were the cause of whatever didn’t go the way someone, or you, thought it was going to turn out. I’m great at self-blame. I search for what I did, what I didn’t do, what I should have forseen. I put myself at the centre of the cause, and therefore the effects.

Truly, life is an intricate dance of causes and effects – like a mesmerising ballet. We can cause positive change through our actions and choices, and that’s pretty cool. Yet, in my experience, these examples are often overshadowed by what we deem negative outcomes.

The hardest of these events is when our actions appear to have negative effects on others – on friends, family, our children. We often forget the reality. Sometimes, we’re just actors on a stage, playing our part and letting the plot unfold. We forget we can’t change how others respond to us or predict every twist in our storyline.

Others are on that stage too, and we don’t always know what their part is, or how they are playing that part. We certainly can’t determine how they react to our actions. Nor should we put ourselves in the role of a mind reader and try to ‘know’ what they are feeling or even needing from us.

Looking back on the time I wrote about in my Memoir, I can see that one of the most distressing things for me was the self recrimination. I was plagued with: “I should have known;” “I should have done …” and “What if I’d done something different then?” Those types of thoughts and statements are not unique to me, even though the event that stimulates these thoughts can be vastly different.

I’ve learned that I’m not the cause of the events I’ve written about in my Memoir. I have no control over how another responds to their life’s challenges. I can be there, offer support, be kind and loving. Neither is it my place to direct another’s course, and when I’ve offered advice and love to another, it is up to them, not me, to accept or reject what is offered. It is up to them, not me, to weather the storms life brings their way. As it is up to me to do the same for myself. I am not at the centre of another’s life. Not at all.

13th January 2024 is upon us

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This coming Saturday, 13 January 2024, at The Sculpture Park at Waitakaruru Arboretum 207 Scotsman Valley Road, Tauwhare, between 10 am and noon the Writer’s Chat event will be held in the cafe area shown in the photo. I’ll be joined by fellow author Phoebe Wilby, my daughter visiting from Ireland.

We’ll have our books for sale or to order. It’ll be fun to see you and your friends and family there.

For those who are close by, Phoebe and I hope you join us – and that you enjoy the park at the same time!

My thought for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

“Write it on my heart that every day is the best day of the year” Ralph Waldo Emerson

(I haven’t found a thought as meaningful to me as this one, yet!)

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