An Update
and a favourite
“C” Word

Dear Reader

An Update on our Writer’s Chat

Thank you to those who sent their well wishes and thank you to those who could come to Waitakaruru and join Phoebe and me in our Writer’s Chat event. It was a perfect day for doing two of our favourite things: people watching and sharing what we love.

When Neil and I garden in the rock garden at the Park we get a sense of the variety of the visitors’ backgrounds and family compositions. Last week the variety was more pronounced. There were visitors from Brazil, Spain, and Sri Lanka, and various places around New Zealand as well as locally. There were families of three generations, families with young children, and couples. Just watching and absorbing the atmosphere was exhilerating. When we had the opportunity to chat it was interesting to learn more about where people are from and how they hear about the Park.

I believe we all have at least one story in us. I wish I could plant confidence into the hearts of those who know they have a story to tell. I’m not going to sugar coat the writing experience. It’s hard to get going. It’s hard to keep going. It’s hard to get up at 5 am and write – or whatever time you commit to. But knowing it’s hard makes it easier in a way.

Don’t expect it to flow perfectly. My latest project is nearly 10,000 words in and I’ve just realised I’ve got the structure all wrong. Am I giving up? No. I’m going back to the beginning and restructuring, saving what I can, and rewriting. It’s part of the process of being a writer. And I am a writer.

That’s the thing we don’t get when we first think we’d like to write. We think we should be able to sit and the words will flow onto the page. Well, it works like that if we sit and write. But the quality of the words often disappoints us. So, what to do? Keep writing. Keep writing until you come to the end of the piece. Then the fun part begins. The end is rarely, if ever, a polished piece.

Polishing requires editing. It requires cutting out precious words and phrases. Editing is like spring cleaning. You find things you don’t need anymore and you dispose of them. You rearrange cupboards, whole rooms. And after a while you are satisfied you’ve done enough and it’s good. Writing is like that. It looks chaotic, is chaotic at times, but order does come too. Words and concepts are the things we might dispose of. Chapters are our cupboards. Sections of our book are our rooms. We write and we rearrange and we cut out whole bits – and then it’s done and we can be pleased with a job well done!

And then we share with others for feedback and more polishing is required.

Phoebe and I had the opportunity to talk with one aspiring writer whose book I want to read! He has a story that must be told: How the Waitakaruru Sculpture Park and Arboretum came to be. We gave him some ideas for a starting point for his story, for a structure for the book, and how to get started with the writing.

When I come to garden this weekend he knows I’ll ask how his writing is getting along. He’ll probably avoid me – I know it’s the thing we writers hate the most: being asked “How’s the writing going?” But it’s the question we need to hear to keep us accountable. He might not have written one word and feel he’s failed or disappointed me. It might feel to him like he’s procrastinating. But I’ll tell him he’s not. While he’s not writing, he’ll be thinking, dreaming, and talking about his topic. That’s all part of being productive in our writing.

So was our Writer’s Chat successful? That’s a resounding “Yes!” Phoebe sold some of her books. I sold none. Still I call the Writer’s Chat a success. We got to meet some wonderful people. We shared our story and our craft with them. And Phoebe and I were able to spend quality time together in one of the most beautiful places in the Waikato. And – as a bonus, I had an opportunity to practise for my next event (see the bottom of this newsletter for date and venue).

“C” Word – Consideration

Today, I wanted to focus my “C” Word discussion on “Kindness”. Attributes of kindness have been running through my head lately. I agree with the many commentators who speak of kindness as being an important quality in any and all human interactions from the family to community.

But I struggled with the ethics of passing Kindness off as a C word. Would it work if I phrased it as a “C-sounding” word? I decided No, my integrity about bringing you a range of “C” words would be compromised, at least in my own mind, if I did.

So I looked around for some “C” words that are synonyms of, or closely related to, kindness. Some of these are on my list for a future discussion in their own right: Compassion, Caring, and Charity, to name a few.

A word I like that aligns to the concept of kindness is Consideration. So I decided that “consideration” would be my “C” Word for today.

Consideration involves thoughtfulness and a genuine concern for others. I have tons of stories of how someone has shown such thoughtfulness towards me. One in particular springs to mind.

On my first solo trip to the USA back in the early 2000s I was struggling up a steep flight of steps from the subway with my suitcase when suddenly it was taken from me by a young man who carried it all the way to the top. I thought he was a porter, or employed by the railway. I tried to show my gratitude for his help with a tip. I still remember the warmth of his smile as he refused and told me it was his pleasure to help. And he went on his way.

Then there’s the young mother near me who gently admonishes her toddler to ‘Be gentle’ when the little one exuberantly hugs the kitten. She is teaching the quality of consideration for those who depend on us to be kind.

There’s the teacher we see on our walks who patiently helps the students holding the crossing flags learn how to keep those dependent on their skill safe. He is teaching them to be considerate for both those wanting to cross (so they don’t have to wait too long) and the drivers approaching the crossing (so they have plenty of warning to stop).

Consideration is at the root of the custom of giving one’s seat on public transport to another and stems from a genuine concern for the well-being of others.

Like kindness, acts of consideration have a ripple effect. When someone experiences another’s consideration of them, they are more likely to pass it on to others, creating a positive chain reaction.

This reminds me of our discussion of oxytocin from a few newsletters ago. Acts of kindness release feel-good hormones (like oxytocin) and contribute to a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Both the giver and receiver of considerate and kind acts experience improved mental and emotional well-being.

Kindness and consideration both involve thoughtfulness in one’s actions. When you are considerate, you take the time to think about the impact of your words and deeds on others. Kindness often follows when those considerations lead to actions that benefit or uplift others.

I see this every day at our local supermarket where the ‘trolley boys’ help load groceries, or wait for pedestrians to pass before moving their line of trolleys, or help someone take a stuck trolley from the stack. Invariably they are rewarded with grateful smiles that warm my heart and I’m sure warms the trolley boys’ hearts as well.

And my own acts of kindness stem from my gratitude when someone lets me into the queue while driving. I’ve honestly found through reciprocating when I get the opportunity that I’m never disadvantaged. Invariably at least one person ahead of me, and sometimes two, turn off at the next intersection, leaving me no further behind than I was before I let someone in in front of me. This “evidence” leads me to claim that I will never be left wanting for anything by being kind and considerate, no matter the perceived cost, whether in monetary or time terms.

In essence, consideration can be seen as the precursor to kindness. Consideration involves conscious thought and awareness of others; kindness is the action that stems from that consideration. Fostered together, they create a harmonious approach to life and define the way we contribute to our personal and societal relationships.

My wish is that I can always understand and empathise with both the struggles and joys of those around me and make a positive and longlasting contribution to the ripple effect of consideration and kindness in their lives.

Another Event
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Ages of Pages
27th April 2024
Claudelands Event Centre
Hamilton, NZ

This is an amazing event that I’m thrilled to participate in this year. I’ll be sharing a table with Pat Backley, who’s books I adore.

The event is billed as: a book event where readers can meet over 70 authors, buy books, and have them signed in person. Multiple genres, from NZ and Australian authors. All ages welcome. Free entry.

Facebook page for the event is: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agesofpagesfans​

My thought for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

“Write it on my heart that every day is
the best day of the year”
​Ralph Waldo Emerson

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