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Dear Reader

BIRTHDAYS, FAREWELLS, AND WELCOMES

Birthdays

For two months of the year my husband and I are the same age. The rest of the year I’m those few months older. He’s just had his 3/4 century birthday and we celebrated with a no fuss day.

We did our daily forty minute walk along the river. Then we enjoyed a special lunch at Gothenburg – a tapas restaurant that we love. I took him shopping to buy a present he’d mentioned a few times and home for a leisurely afternoon. No fuss day, but a day full of love.

We recently celebrated great-granddaughter Billie’s third birthday. It was a wonderful opportunity to catch up with some of the family and see Billie enjoy being spoiled on her special day.

We celebrated granddaughter Bella’s birthday on Waiheke Island. Bella collaborated with me as the illustrator on the children’s book, Beatrice Learns Compassion. On our return from Waiheke, we caught up with great-grandson Bragi, returning from his celebration in Auckland for his second birthday. He’s grown! And is talking up a storm!

Another milestone birthday (two actually!) – 21st birthday celebrations for Ben and Grace – also on Waiheke Island – we are grateful we are able to travel again with all COVID 19 restrictions lifted! Going to Waiheke is like going to the Mediterranean – a totally different climate so close to home.

Farewells

Billie’s grandparents, my daughter Rebecca and husband Oli, recently left for Ethiopia where they will be for the next three years. It’s wonderful to have technology benefits of communication that helps them to be in the forefront of the little ones’ minds. Still, I miss her! We had thought we would go and visit, but feel that probably won’t happen for us. So hearing about their doings vvia the internet is a wonderful blessing.

Welcomes

We love our home down a right of way. It’s like we have our own little community. Our neighbours are friendly and we watch out for each other. I particularly love the age group mix – we have three young families, a single woman, and four older couples.

One of the families has their parents visiting for a few months. They speak a different language to us and it’s fun trying to communicate. I THINK I’m understood. We enjoyed a shared lunch. With the younger generation translating for us, we covered a variety of topics with lots of laughter. I hope they feel welcome in our home, in our country.

REFLECTIONS – AFTER AN ADDICT IN THE FAMILY

Writing my memoir, and the experiences that prompted the writing, have given me a greater insight into the world of addiction. It’s hard to believe the number of people who have either been caught in the web through their own use of addictive substances, or through the effects of a loved one’s addiction.

People are sharing their response to reading An Addict in the Family, many marvelling at how I describe their story so well. I have been aware that my story is not unique – oh how I wish it were! It is heartening to learn that my story gives others a sense of connection with another – someone who knows what they’re going through or have been through. Connection with others when we are going through such traumatic experiences is critical. Generally, ‘normal’ conversation doesn’t give us the opportunity to know we are not alone in what is happening to us. We feel so alone.

Another insight is how closely related trauma and addiction are. There’s a lot written on this subject, and lots of technical literature. I’ll review some of these in future newsletters or posts.

If you’d like to share your experience, or reaction to the book, please go to our Facebook Reader’s Page and share there.

SELF CARE TIP

This is a self care tip I struggled to implement – I was always too busy! But finally, I found a reason to do it – and the benefits are finally paying off! Not particularly in weight loss, but in mood enhancement and the flow on benefits of greater focus and clearer mental agility – I never thought this would be the result of exercise!

Exercise

Like a lot of others struggling with a life time of weight gain, I’ve tried nearly every diet. It’s changing now, but the early diet experts all seemed to consider exercise to be as important as counting calories.

But, I found exercise did very little to help my weight loss. I saw it as ‘one more thing to do in an already busy life’. Until recently, my exercise consisted mainly of opportunities for social connection: walking, mainly with my husband which was/is a time when we enjoy just being together, chatting about our life; and a gym class (a Ready and Able class to help me with balance and strength) followed by coffee at our local café with gym buddies. These are cemented in as part of my exercise regime. I bought a Pilates Reformer and added some Pilates exercises – which I love. Other than that, my home based efforts were sporadic and gardening was the only consistent at home ‘exercise’.

Lately though, I’ve been learning about exercise as a way of managing dopamine levels. This learning has been an eye opener. The principles actually make a lot of sense to me.

I’m not going into the theory/practice in any detail – just an outline, with resources for you to check. I’d be interested to see if you feel the same.

Apparently, over a third of the US population were born with what Dr Kenneth Blum calls Reward deficiency syndrome (RDS). Such a high percentage of the population with RDS means this deficiency can be viewed as normal, not abnormal.

So what is RDS? Briefly, it’s a dopamine deficiency, either acquired genetically or can result from prolonged stress.

In her YouTube channel, Dr Sarah Zaldivar shares her research that focuses on raising the dopamine baseline to correct this imbalance of Dopamine in the brain. In this YouTube video, she discusses what it means to be born with a Dopamine Deficiency Disorder. She has a lot of research to support her work that I won’t go into here.

Her methodology is to increase our dopamine baseline with exercise. I think you’ll find her work fascinating as well.

Now I understand exercise is not just for weight loss. It’s a tool to increase my mood. A happier mood for me means I control my comfort and binge eating, particularly when I’m experiencing challenges. Instead, I’ll be able to laugh them off. Certainly I’m finding I am more productive and happier.

Dr Zaldivar explains it better than I ever could. If this concept interests you, I encourage you to watch her videos.

If you have found exercise to be particularly helpful for you, in any way at all, please share in our Facebook Reader’s Group. I love to hear your stories.

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AN ADDICT IN THE FAMILY – A MOTHER’S TALE OF HEARTBREAK, COURAGE, AND RESILIENCE

You can order a copy from Amazon here

If you know someone who might enjoy, please share the link. If you are in New Zealand, you might prefer to purchase the print version directly through my website www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com or email me​ at Stephanie@StephanieHammondAuthor.com​

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How old am I? Am I as old as I feel?
Or am I as old as my numbers say?

Dear Reader

Age – is it just a number? Is 70 really the new 50? Are you as old as you feel? I honestly don’t think about age very much, at least not in the way I think I would if I thought I am “getting old”.

But something happened the other day to make me think.

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My Friend IS 80

The other day, as I waited for my husband to finish his gym class, my friend came out, looking a bit ‘done in’. “Hard class, was it?” I asked her.

“Yes! I’m going to have to slow down I think. I’m 80 you know!” She laughed but I didn’t. As she turned to go down the stairs I felt a shockwave of memories flood through my body – challenging my concept of my own mortality.

Memory 1

Years ago I took my baby ‘home’ to Australia for a holiday. Here we visited the older generation, on my dad’s side. 12 of us sat around the lunch table. I was 36, my baby 12 months old. Everyone else was 60 or older. The conversation somehow turned to how old we felt. The adult consensus, me included, was “I don’t feel older than 25!” Made me think!

Memory 2

A few years before we moved to New Zealand (that’s a story for another time!) we were blessed to have my father-in-law live with us. Although he was less than 50 at the time, he had experienced several strokes and was barely able to feed and dress himself. His memory for details wasn’t the best. One day he asked how old he was. When we told him, he asked; “Am I? Am I really that old?” He was incredulous. It still amazes me to think that within his broken body lived a strong and youthful spirit of a man. Made me think!

Memory 3

During my planning consultancy, I worked for a man whose mother hosted our business meetings. She was extraordinary. Nothing was too much trouble whether it was cooking us a treat, making beds for late night stayers, running to the store for supplies. A real ball of energy. But what stays with me the most is her often saying: “I’ll be 80 in a minute!” in the most incredulous tone. Made me think!

And So to Today

Now, I’ve come full circle – my friend from the gym IS 80. And all of a sudden I feel that “I’ll be 80 in a minute!” These memories jolted me out of my complacent enjoyment of myself in my 70s. Feeling the excitement of learning, of putting energy into my writing career, of feeling the strength and increasing flexibility of my body, of feeling invincible or at least like I did in those earlier photos of me, I felt sure I would enjoy life till I’m 140 years old (so much I want to do and see!) Now, I hear myself say to that ‘me’ who lives by the numbers: “Hang on a minute, Stephanie! Don’t you know we’ll be 80 in a minute?”

Yes, time flies – not obvious during each day perhaps. But the months and years do seem to fly by. “Time flies when you’re having fun!” And I admit it. I’m having fun! I love my life. At the end of each day I love to reflect on the joyous moments the day has brought. Now though, I look back at my former client’s mother’s words and I understand what she was saying.

Not this next minute – but it’s true for me too: I’ll be 80 one of these minutes – and that time isn’t too far away!

What about you? How old do you feel?

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AN ADDICT IN THE FAMILY – A MOTHER’S TALE OF HEARTBREAK, COURAGE, AND RESILIENCE

​You can order a copy from Amazon here​

Have any questions? Email me at Stephanie@StephanieHammondAuthor.com