Stephanie Hammond Author

Stories of heart, hope, and second chances

Category: Newsletters

  • Conversations – another C Word

    Conversations – another C Word

    Dear Reader

    A Conversation between us

    Just when I think I’ve thought of all the “C Words” to share with you, I come across an article that strikes a chord in my soul and briefly uses a C word in a way that has so much meaning for me I just have to discuss it with you today.

    Emily Perkins is an award winning New Zealand writer. And it’s her speech, delivered at a recent Wellington Event for ‘All in for Arts’: He waka toi e eke noa nei tātou’, an event series by The Arts Foundation Te Tumu Toi and Creative New Zealand, that made me think. You can listen to her speech (korero) here. Or read it here.

    I hope you read or listen to her speech because I can’t do justice to all she said here, especially as I’m picking out only one of the “C Words” she uses. What are her words? Those relevant to our recent discussions include: Control. Connection. Creativity. Consciousness. Community. But the one I’ve chosen today is:

    Conversation

    Emily writes of what it’s like for her to be a writer, what formed her love of language. And whether we are writers or readers, I’m sure we all find something that resonates with ourselves in these words:

    “I am not some solo, self-sufficient artist with a vocation, who was always going to make work against the odds. I’m a former goofy, sometimes lonely kid whose feelings were met and imagination stimulated by the stories in books. It wasn’t all comfort and escape, I read about hard things, 20th century horrors, grief, loss, and survival. Books by [NZ writers] Patricia Grace, Maurice Gee and Margaret Mahy placed me here and gave me a sense of where I lived. And books multiplied the world, as they do, endlessly. I write to be in active conversation with the world – to find meaning and pleasure … I love the way writing gets me to stop and pay attention – to really feel alive … It goes back to that feeling I had as a kid that books were portals, that holding one was like holding possibility in your hands.”

    I love those words “… to be in active conversation with the world …” What does it mean to me, to be in active conversation? Books have always been a way I’ve connected with the world. But it wasn’t until I attended university in my mid 30s that I realised the power the written word has to shape my life. I was reading George Eliot’s Mill on the Floss and found myself bawling my eyes out. She was writing my story, describing my emotions and experiences. I felt vindicated in my vulnerability to being known so well.

    George Eliot spoke to me. She wrote so that I felt like I was in conversation with her. I can’t compare my own writing to that of George Eliot. What I do know is that when I write, and this refers to my newsletters at this point, I am in conversation with you – I’m thinking of you and talking with you as I type these words.

    I’m in conversation with nature when we walk along the river bank and come across a familiar view, but, bathed in the autumn light, it becomes a view I’ve never seen before. I wish I could share those moments when they happen. Photos are a wonderful medium for conversation.

    And here’s another photo, taken when we passed the old gum (eucalyptus) tree on our familiar walk to Chartwell Mall. It also became something I felt like I was seeing for the first time, reaching out, beckoning me to embrace its autumn beauty with my soul.

    The river, the gum tree, people in the cafe who catch my eye and smile – all inspire me “to find meaning and pleasure, to stop and pay attention – to really feel alive” within the frame of all the elements that make up my life. And will these elements and feelings find their way into my larger writing projects?

    I’m sure they will because I am aware that the writing is also a conversation I’m having with you – through the two pieces I’ve committed to writing this year. I don’t often share my works in progress. It’s part of my commitment to ‘writing to you’ more often that I want to share them today.

    Works in Progress

    I’m drafting two manuscripts simultaneously. Two ongoing conversations at the same time. I’m not sure I can pull this off, but I’m enjoying the process of flitting between the two.

    Project A

    I love mysteries and so I am writing in that genre. I think my subject matter has the bones of a story worth telling, but that just might be my imagination at work! Time will tell.

    My experience that is the basis for my memoir An Addict in the Family prompted a lot of ‘what if?’ questions that developed into an outline for a story set here in Hamilton. My love of our local cafe created the setting for a flow of information and introduction to characters. And one of our favourite walks is the setting for the scene of the crime. Characters are sketched from those I know, but their actions and motives are definitely not drawn from life! If this story sees the light of day in the form of a book it will be because of the generosity of those who are willing to share their expertise. And from the depth of conversation we will have in the Facebook Readers Group as I share excerpts.

    Project B

    The other piece I’m writing is exciting because it’s another memoir. The recent discovery of my Australian Indigenous heritage has placed me in the centre of nine generations – four before who I know a little about and whose names I now know. It excites me to see similarities of experiences and strengths and interests through the generations and this is what I’m writing about, using my own life experiences to illustrate these points. And there are four generations that come after me, who have a bit of my DNA running through their veins. Currently these four generations are comprised of 59 awesome, wonderful humans who inspire me to tell my story because it’s their story too and I hope they can enter into their own conversation with the characters in this book.

    I’m looking forward to sharing more of this writing project with you, and also in the Facebook Readers Group, as it progresses.

    Book Review

    Dot & Ben by Pat Backley

    I loved this book and gave it 5 stars on Amazon. I’d love to share a bit of this review and hope you will take a peek at my review of this 20th Century Love Story, about Pat’s parents. Here’s a link to the review.

    An excerpt from my review:

    Pat Backley uses the lives of her parents to form the basis of her novel Dot & Ben. I like this way of telling a family story, as a novel based on fact. And it suits this story admirably, especially since Pat attributes feelings and motives to her parents that it would be quite hard to substantiate as a daughter. And that’s how I feel were I to tell the story of my own parents’ lives. I have no doubt though that the essence of Pat’s parents, particularly of her mother, Dot, is captured faithfully.
    The story is set against the background of World War 11 Britain during which both Dot and Ben fought. Dot had dreams of travelling, having adventures and writing, of having a ‘glorious life’ once the war was over. So she may have done if she hadn’t met Ben. …

    You might even like to buy the book. It’s generously available on kindle for 99c until the end of May! Enjoy!

    Till next time,
    Love
    Stephanie

    ​

    My thoughts for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

    “Write it on my heart that every day is
    the best day of the year”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “Remember that sometimes not getting
    what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
    ​    ​
    Dalai Lama

    “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

    Nelson Mandela

    Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

    please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
    through my website:

    http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

    Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

    FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
    the links below.

    ​
  • Courage and connection come unexpectedly

    Courage and connection come unexpectedly

    Dear Reader

    Ages of Pages update

    Last newsletter I wrote about taking baby steps towards a goal. On Saturday I attended the Ages of Pages event I have been highlighting at the end of my newsletter for a while. I don’t know if you picked up that I was terrified! I knew this was going to be more than a baby step. I wasn’t wrong! It was huge! Nerves a’jangling – here’s a snap of me with my table, before the event opened.

    And what an outcome! It was joyous to meet so many authors and readers in one place. What an opportunity for connection. On Friday evening we attendees had dinner together and it was a wonderful opportunity to share our hopes for our writing selves. I met one lovely author, Heather Reyburn, who lives in my home town, Toowoomba in Queensland. How lovely is that!

    One thing I learned about my fellow writers is that ‘imposter syndrome’ is a widespread issue that I noticed among many of my writer colleagues. I decided to delve deeper into its meaning and discovered that, according to the National Institutes of Health, imposter syndrome is a behavioral health phenomenon described as self-doubt regarding one’s intelligence, abilities or accomplishments, particularly among high-achieving individuals.

    What’s interesting is that many of the authors gathered at this event are undeniably high achievers, yet they still grapple with feelings of inadequacy and doubt about their own capabilities. This discrepancy between outward success and internal confidence is a significant challenge that authors face. It was comforting to me to realise that I am in good company here and it’s given me a clearer understanding of my own.

    And it’s given me courage to continue with my writing. And perhaps with expressing my hopes and purpose in writing. For example, my hopes in publishing my Addict in the Family memoir was to make a meaningful connection with others who have a similar experience to mine.

    I am thrilled that I was able to make that connection with someone who is on a similar journey. The power of connecting with another who understands is huge, and I’m grateful to her for sharing her story with me.

    I am also thrilled that a counsellor saw that my story has relevance in her practice and is a worthwhile resource to add to her library.

    And I met Mrs Moa from mrs_moa_book_hub (on instagram) who posts short reels of all things books. Over the days before the event she covered authors who were presenting at Ages of Pages and, I am grateful to her, the link below is her comments on my books. https://www.instagram.com/reel/C6DOd0UrFP3/?igsh=MXR1aG1zd2F4MjdjdA==​

    Mrs Moa (not her real name I must add) commented that a link on my Beatrice book does not lead anywhere. You’ll be pleased to know that I am fixing that! Yay for observant people.

    Mrs Moa saw a similarity between my journey and that of Sarah Martin who has also written about her journey navigating the systems that was similarly frustrating. I’m looking forward to reading Sarah’s book and connecting with her. What a journey she and her daughter Alice have been on. Here’s a link to her website. https://sarahmartinauthor.com/ Let me know if/when you read her book. Maybe we can swap notes.

    Those “C” Words – again
    Connection

    I didn’t realise on Friday as I walked into the restaurant to dine with my fellow attendees at the Ages of Pages that I would discover yet another opportunity to reflect on the importance for me of connection.

    Writing can be a lonely life. Definitely the act of writing is a solitary one. It can be hard to remain encouraged about whether one can write something meaningful and interesting. For me, to meet a few of the 80+ authors at the event was uplifting and energising, to say the least.

    As a result, I gained a lot of inspiration to continue my writing. I came away with more confidence to say “I too am a writer.” I have a lot to say, and writing is a good medium for me to share!

    I’m looking forward to sharing more of this journey with you.

    Till next time,
    Love
    Stephanie

    ​

    My thoughts for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

    “Write it on my heart that every day is
    the best day of the year”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “Remember that sometimes not getting
    what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
    ​    ​
    Dalai Lama

    “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

    Nelson Mandela

    Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

    please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
    through my website:

    http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

    Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

    FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
    the links below.

    ​
  • Taking one step at a time

    Taking one step at a time

    Dear Reader

    Taking baby steps …

    And bit by bit, making progress! I’m so excited to share this with you! If you’ve spent some time around me, you’ve probably heard me say “I want to live to 140!” It’s a goal I’ve had for a long long time.

    You might also have heard me tell how I thought I’d be dead by the time I reached 40. It was a pleasant surprise to me to realise as I approached my 40th birthday that I was healthy and not at all looking like I wasn’t long for this world. Yay! I made it! For me, life really did start at 40!

    So … with tongue in cheek, I’ve calculated my age at the number of years I’ve been on the earth since I turned 40 – currently that is 36! So … I’m quite likely to live to 140 in this body if I can be humoured in my claim to currently be 36, not 76. Now the math has got too hard for me to continue this hypothesis – but you get my drift I’m sure.

    And here’s the exciting part! I’ve been exploring a lot of different ways to bring about a change in my health. I’ve had ups and downs over the past decade or so that have made me determined to get healthier and stronger. I miss the overnight tramps (called hiking or backpacking, elsewhere in the world) that were a regular part of my annual holidays. Neil and I did The Routeburn and Hollyford Tracks when we lived in the South Island. Here’s a snap of on the track with the amazing mountains in view. I wasn’t the fittest then that I’ve been. And I’m nearly at that level of fitness again.

    I would love to do the Tongariro Crossing again. (Here’s a link to show you what it’s like: https://www.tongarirocrossing.org.nz/the-track) Neil’s done it several times, I’ve done it only once. To share that amazing trek with him would be awesome. Our gym club did it last weekend and I was disappointed not to be fit enough yet to do it. It’s about 20kms, and really tough going, as you’ll see in that website.

    Although I’m definitely not fit enough for that challenge, I didn’t realise how close I’ve come to recovering a fitness level that will allow me to enjoy baby versions of these treks. On the day the gym club walked the Tongariro Crossing, we did a 7km walk around the area where we live. I was especially thrilled that I instigated it, feeling like I could do more than our usual 2-3kms. It wasn’t till the last 500m or so that my legs started to feel a bit like jelly.

    On our river walks we’ve started walking up hills and steps (74 steps at one point) and, at Waitakaruru last Saturday we did the circuit of the Park, which we haven’t done for a while. We took a couple of detours and walked up a steep hill and took a path that we’ve not done before (signposted “Lost” – you might have noticed it in the 7 Sharp programme I linked to last newsletter). I’m not saying the steps and hills aren’t a challenge. I did enjoy them though.

    And I enjoyed seeing the diversity of planting and the seasonal change happening at the Park. Here’s a photo of the native hibiscus growing there that never ceases to delight me.

    What gives me more joy than actually being able to do these physical activities is that I’m looking for the challenges now, just like I used to decades ago. Woohoo!

    We go to the gym twice a week. I’d like to add a dance class, Mondays preferably! I think I’ll create my own routine. And get up about 5am to fit it in! Exercise, I’m learning is not only good for my mood and body, but it’s good for brain health too.

    Will I reach 140 years? Probably not, and honestly, it doesn’t matter. What matters to me is that I live a full, active, healthy life, following my heart and challenging my mind and body to continue enjoying this amazing planet we call home.

    To do this, I’ll keep adding baby steps – and bit by bit I know I’ll be making progress!

    ​

    Till next time,
    Love
    Stephanie

    A Final Reminder (truly!)
    ​
    Ages of Pages
    27th April 2024
    Claudelands Event Centre
    Hamilton, NZ

    This is an amazing event that I’m thrilled to participate in this year (even though I’m scared to death!). I’ll be sharing a table with Pat Backley, who’s books I adore – so that gives me courage.

    The event is billed as: a book event where readers can meet over 70 authors, buy books, and have them signed in person. Multiple genres, from NZ and Australian authors. All ages welcome. Free entry.

    Facebook page for the event is: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agesofpagesfans​

    My thoughts for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

    “Write it on my heart that every day is
    the best day of the year”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “Remember that sometimes not getting
    what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
    ​    ​
    Dalai Lama

    “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

    Nelson Mandela

    Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

    please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
    through my website:

    http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

    Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

    FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
    the links below.

    ​
  • The joy of finding Courage

    The joy of finding Courage

    Dear Reader

    An Easter Adventure

    Neil and I share a passion for volunteering at the Waitakaruru Sculpture Park and Arboretum near our city of Hamilton. Every couple of weeks we spend a few hours in the Rock Garden, weeding, tidying and making sure the cactus plants are safe for visitors to walk beside.

    The Park and Arboretum are located in a former quarry and 32 years or so ago, John and Dorothy Wakeling bought the property and started to implement their vision. The results today are a testament to how dedication and commitment can bring a long term vision to reality.

    John is an arborist, so well suited to the development of an arboretum. I worked with Dorothy years ago and her skills in management and planning complement John’s perfectly. Still, I marvel that they had the vision and energy to take on such a project.

    On Easter weekend they celebrated 32+ years of their restoration project with an event called Seeds of Renewal.

    On the Tuesday before Easter, Michael Holland, one of the presenters of 7 Sharp, a NZ Current Affairs TV programme, and his camera person, Dave, visited the Park.

    Here’s a link to the programme that aired on the Thursday before Easter. I hope you enjoy it and get to experience a little bit of this amazing restoration.

    ​https://fb.watch/raJF2dfzXW/​

    Neil and I volunteered our time on Saturday and enjoyed meeting the visitors to this amazing place, many of whom had seen the 7 Sharp programme and came for the first time.

    What you won’t necessarily pick up as you watch my segment is how nervous I was. I love being in a supporting role but dread having the spotlight pointed at me. It took a heap of courage (oooh! do you see the “C Word” being used here?) for me to particpate in this way.

    I’ve learned a lot over the years of how important it is to be brave. Specifically relevant to my part in this video is the importance for me:

    • To support others whose work is important to me, even if it’s uncomfortable; and
    • To allow myself to be vulnerable and honest, even when it’s uncomfortable.

    Michael Holland is a great interviewer, quickly relaxing me with his friendly banter. I didn’t think he’d choose these particular bits of our interaction to put into the programme and to be honest, I cringe at my ‘bit’ and hesitated to share this with you.

    But I wanted to share the work and dedication John and Dorothy, their staff, and all of the volunteers, put into making it a wonderful place to visit. The TV programme highlights so much of that. So, I hope you look past my bit if it makes you feel uncomfortable, and see the beauty of this area.

    I also hope you come visit the Sculpture Park if you live nearby, or when you come to visit Neil and me in New Zealand.

    Till next time,
    Love
    Stephanie

    A Final Reminder
    ​
    Ages of Pages
    27th April 2024
    Claudelands Event Centre
    Hamilton, NZ

    This is an amazing event that I’m thrilled to participate in this year (even though I’m scared to death!). I’ll be sharing a table with Pat Backley, who’s books I adore – so that gives me courage.

    The event is billed as: a book event where readers can meet over 70 authors, buy books, and have them signed in person. Multiple genres, from NZ and Australian authors. All ages welcome. Free entry.

    Facebook page for the event is: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agesofpagesfans​

    My thoughts for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

    “Write it on my heart that every day is
    the best day of the year”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “Remember that sometimes not getting
    what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
    ​    ​
    Dalai Lama

    “I learned that courage was not the absence of fear, but the triumph over it. The brave [person] is not [the one] who does not feel afraid, but [the one] who conquers that fear.”

    Nelson Mandela

    Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

    please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
    through my website:

    http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

    Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

    FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
    the links below.

    ​
  • A Book Review

    A Book Review

    Dear Reader

    A book review

    Today I’d like to devote this newsletter to reviewing a book that I think we all will have need of sometime in our lives. It’s Grief is Love, a book by Michelle Blythen which tells of her ongoing journey after the tragic loss of her only child, her son Zane whose life was taken violently.

    Michelle’s book is filled with her own illustrations and poems as well as quotes appropriately drawn from books and authors she’s read. Each inclusion speaks to a part of the grieving process and gives comfort and strength to the reader.

    It’s hard to conceive of anyone else being able to explain exactly how I’ve felt throughout my life when faced with the “shock, confusion, and agony” of the unexpected death of a loved one. Michelle writes of the total disruption and changes within the survivor’s life going forward.

    She writes of the things that helped her put herself into this new situation in a way that she found healing and acceptance. People’s love and care were important. As were counselling and books. And caring for herself, finding joy again in little things in life, also brought healing. Grief is not linear, nor, as she puts it, does it have an endpoint, like coming out of a tunnel. And grief is experienced differently by us all.

    The way she expresses her journey resonates with me. At this stage in life I’ve ‘lost’ a lot of people I’ve loved. I fear the loss of others that might come before I myself leave this realm. I found myself nodding in agreement, shedding tears, sighing in gratitude at the way she’s expressed my own journey.

    And I want to say, “Thank you Michelle for your courage and love in sharing your journey with us so we too can find peace.”

    I can best describe how her book resonates with me by quoting a paragraph and describing how this scenario she describes manifested in my own life.

    There is a real risk for some people to throw themselves into work, or a project, so completely that it shuts out their thoughts, emotions and interrupts their grieving process. Grief will not go away. One day that suppressed grief will flood to the surface as though the loss had only just occurred. It is possible that might happen when another loss occurs… the stifled earlier grief will rise to the surface and completely overwhelm with grief on grief.

    I was nineteen years, one month and one day old when the semitrailer driven by my husband John, the father of my two daughters, collided with another in Grafton, NSW, Australia. The date was the 8th October 1966.

    I organised childcare for the girls, then aged three and thirteen months, and took a bus from Beenleigh in Queensland to Grafton. I was met by a kind woman who took me to the hospital where I was told John had just passed away. I couldn’t believe it. He had a compound fracture on one of his legs. A broken leg. That’s what killed him. Bone marrow got into his bloodstream.

    I was given a bed for the night at the hospital but I didn’t sleep.

    Although I was in shock, I was most aware of the sole responsibility I now had for my two girls. I looked at our future from every angle I could and plotted out a plan for ‘carrying on’ so their lives would be disrupted the least. I stuffed my own grief down, put a lid on it, and put on a brave face. Like most of us do in life. Just got on with doing what needed to be done.

    I became aware over the years that I hadn’t fully (or even partially, truth be known) moved through my grief. I was mostly stuck in anger that he had left his little girls, and me, to struggle on without him. I honestly felt like he had exercised a choice in leaving us.

    And then, forty years to the day later, my brother Digby, a young man of sixty, died. I was bereft. So hurt, so shocked, so sure that John had taken Digby to be with him. They were best mates and that seemed a reasonable assumption. Now my grief at losing my brother was compounded by that original grief, as Michelle said in the excerpt above. And the shock, hurt and grief from the original event came flooding in and merged with my grief over losing my brother. I was a mess.

    Thankfully, I was living with a friend in California at the time. Mimi gave me the space, love and support to deal with what was flooding my emotions. What I did is not a prescription or advice that others should do the same. And this was the first and last time I’ve ever dealt with my emotions this way.

    I bought two bottles of Jameson’s whisky. Alcohol was the time honoured way my family dealt with grief so it was probably natural that alcohol was what I turned to. Over the course of the next few hours I drank almost the whole two bottles. And I cried in despair and agony. Then I threw the whisky up. Spewing the grief out from deep within me in the process. It was finally the beginning of letting my first husband and my brother go – and living a life without the shadow of the guilt and pain that also comes with the tragic loss.

    There are a lot of other parts of Michelle’s book that resonate with me. If you read it, I’m sure you will find some as well.

    If you’d like to get a copy of Michelle Blythen’s book, Grief is Love, let me know and I’ll give you her contact details.

    Till next time,
    Love
    Stephanie

    An Event Reminder
    ​
    Ages of Pages
    27th April 2024
    Claudelands Event Centre
    Hamilton, NZ

    This is an amazing event that I’m thrilled to participate in this year. I’ll be sharing a table with Pat Backley, who’s books I adore.

    The event is billed as: a book event where readers can meet over 70 authors, buy books, and have them signed in person. Multiple genres, from NZ and Australian authors. All ages welcome. Free entry.

    Facebook page for the event is: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agesofpagesfans​

    My thoughts for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

    “Write it on my heart that every day is
    the best day of the year”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “Remember that sometimes not getting
    what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
    ​    ​
    Dalai Lama

    Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

    please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
    through my website:

    http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

    Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

    FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
    the links below.

    ​
  • Why C Words?

    Why C Words?

    Dear Reader

    Why “C” Words?

    I was asked why I choose words starting with C. It’s made me reflect on events of the past few years and brought in floods of gratitude for members of the Whanau Group who engulfed me with their love and taught me how to get back in touch with the important things of life.

    I’m a resilient person, I admit that now. Looking back over the past 70+ years I can see times when that resilience developed – from my early childhood. In later years, I’ve faced many challenges that called that resilience into question. None challenged me more than to stand beside my youngest son as he faced the consequences of his drug addiction and dealing.

    The Whanau Group was set up by CareNZ to support those who have family members suffering from substance addiction. As a group going through similar experiences, we share our lived experiences and offer loving support to each other. The group is facilitated by a practitioner who also has lived experience with addiction.

    In the Whanau Group, one of the first things I learned was a new approach to the situation my son was in. New to me, that is. At first we talked about the Three “C”s

    – I am not the Cause of his addiction
    – I am not the Cure for whatever prompted his turning to substance use
    – Without self Care, I am of no use to my son, or to any of my other family members, or to anyone, or to myself.

    The Whanau Group is a place where I am safe to express my own fears, weaknesses, faults. I learned to laugh again. And over and over we came back to the Three “C”s. I began to love the Letter C and to add more words to help me cope with the new experiences.

    The “C” Words I share with you all have the aim of lightening our load. They shine a light more clearly on the path we tread in our desire to live a happier and more fulfilled life. And in our desire to be of service to others and to find purpose in our lives.
    ​

    “C” Word for today is Children

    I seem to be surrounded by children lately – physically and in my thoughts. We are blessed to live next door to Amelia, Ziah and Zahria. Their happy sounds make us both smile and to hear their calls of “hello” bring us joy. Olivia at our local cafe is likewise a joy. And as we walk past schools and playgrounds and early childhood centres on our walks, we smile at the happy sounds of children playing.

    I’m reminded of my own happy childhood and memories flood in of fun with my cousins Daphne and Barbara and the twins who lived next door to us. Carefree days.

    We also walk past retirement villages on our walks. I know this type of living may be in my future but for now I’m grateful that we live in a neighbourhood of mixed age groups where we are reminded to be young. I remember what it was like to be a child – and try to recapture that confidence, trust and sense of fun. It will serve me well in the years to come, I’m sure!

    Children are precious. For me, it doesn’t matter that I may not see my grandchildren and their children very often. Memories of our last get together are bright in my heart and mind and I catch myself smiling at something the little ones did or said and it brings the experience back afresh.

    Children grow up and my adult children bring me as much joy as they did when they were young – as do the adult grandchildren. I am truly blessed by the children in my life!

    They all challenge me to be the best I can be, without even knowing they do. Because of them, I want to live a long life. Not just a life of breathing. A life of LIVING – living well, excited to be learning, interested in the world and all its changes. A life of physical ability as well as mental acuity. I am excited that I can get up off the floor more easily now. I am gardening, enjoying the standard roses we’ve just planted, and the changes in our vegie patches. And although we’ve lost our first three attempts at growing a passionfruit vine, we are planning where and how to make our next attempt. And this week I’m planting 40 daffodils to bloom alongside our lovely tulips when they come up. They will give me something to share in the late winter, early spring. And I’ll enjoy the view from my office window.

    Here’s today’s view. The mulch beneath the tree is where the daffodils will go. And the rose bush on the left is one we planted this weekend. She smells delicious and is called Hokey Pokey – the name of a favourite New Zealand ice-cream!

    Do you have a favourite C word (or any word) you’d like to share?

    I’d love to hear and, if you agree, I’ll share it here in the newsletter.

    An Event Reminder
    ​
    Ages of Pages
    27th April 2024
    Claudelands Event Centre
    Hamilton, NZ

    This is an amazing event that I’m thrilled to participate in this year. I’ll be sharing a table with Pat Backley, who’s books I adore.

    The event is billed as: a book event where readers can meet over 70 authors, buy books, and have them signed in person. Multiple genres, from NZ and Australian authors. All ages welcome. Free entry.

    Facebook page for the event is: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agesofpagesfans​

    My thoughts for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

    “Write it on my heart that every day is
    the best day of the year”

    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    “Remember that sometimes not getting
    what you want is a wonderful stroke of luck”
    ​    ​
    Dalai Lama

    Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

    please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
    through my website:

    http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

    Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

    FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
    the links below.

    ​
  • Overcoming the fear

    Overcoming the fear

    A “C” Word I’m grateful for.

    Dear Reader

    A Brief Comment

    It’s a long discussion about my choice of C word for this newsletter. I debated whether to make it even longer! Fear is so inhibiting and I mention two – my fears of drowning and of heights. My discussion centres on the drowning one. But I could have doubled the length and written just as much, or more! about my fear of heights.

    Let me know if you want to hear what I did to overcome that fear as well. Certainly a balloon ride was among the things I did.

    ​

    “C” Word – Control

    The balloon ride brought this C word to mind – Control. For a major part of my life I was plagued with fear – particularly fear of drowning and fear of heights.

    I was aware of having no control in these areas of my experiences. Today I use these fears, and overcoming them, as an analogy for many other aspects of life. I overcame those fears. I can do ‘this’ too!

    When I was about four-years-old I was swamped by a massive wave and nearly drowned. For a long time I wouldn’t go deeper than my knees in the sea, preferring to paddle in the rock pools or in the shallows. This fear stayed with me for decades until one day we were at our friends house for a pool party. I dressed in my swimmers but declined invitations to get in the pool. That was how I controlled my fear.

    All of a sudden I was picked up by the pool owner and he jumped into the pool with me. I was so shocked and frightened, I threw up. I was mortified and embarrassed. I decided then that I had to do something about this fear.

    It took a long time. At first I took swimming lessons but I couldn’t relax. Years later, I’d gone through a soul destroying relationship breakup and cast around in my heart and mind for something to give me comfort and strength. I remembered a family trip to Cairns when I was eight. We went out to the Great Barrier Reef in a glass bottomed boat and visited an underwater observatory. I was so enthralled with the underwater world I thought “One day I’m going to swim amongst the fishes.”

    Now, 30 years or so later, I remembered that promise to myself and how enthralled I was with what I saw. I enrolled in a scuba diving course. One of the conditions was that I must be able to swim. Proof was required – swim 25 metres in the local pool.

    I practiced diving and swimming underwater. I passed the test and I went on to dive in the sea off Tuhua/Mayor Island in the Bay of Plenty. It was another decade before I learned to swim in the Papakura pool.

    I learned a lot about control over the years of living with my fear of drowning. Control doesn’t come through hanging on tight. Control comes through letting go – letting go and trusting.

    I was blessed with diving instructors who were not fooled by my bravado. They knew I couldn’t swim. They also knew I had a soul need to learn to dive. They were as proud of me for achieving freedom from my fears as I was. And I was blessed with a swimming instructor at Papakura Massey Pools. Jane Logan has a way with teaching fraidy cats how to swim and she gave me so much confidence I learned – freestyle, backstroke and breaststroke!

    I learned that control, in some weird way, comes through letting go of the need to be in control. I have the freedom of knowing I am safe in the water. I don’t scuba dive any more. And I don’t swim in the sea either. But it’s because of the cold, not because of fear. And I don’t swim in chlorinated pools. There’s a difference – now my choice is not rooted in fear of drowning.

    An Event Reminder
    ​
    Ages of Pages
    27th April 2024
    Claudelands Event Centre
    Hamilton, NZ

    This is an amazing event that I’m thrilled to participate in this year. I’ll be sharing a table with Pat Backley, who’s books I adore.

    The event is billed as: a book event where readers can meet over 70 authors, buy books, and have them signed in person. Multiple genres, from NZ and Australian authors. All ages welcome. Free entry.

    Facebook page for the event is: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agesofpagesfans​

    My thought for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

    “Write it on my heart that every day is
    the best day of the year”
    ​    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

    please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
    through my website:

    http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

    Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

    FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
    the links below.

    ​
  • Of Adventures and building memories

    Of Adventures and building memories

    An Adventure
    and a favourite
    “C” Word

    Dear Reader

    A long awaited adventure

    For my birthday last September, Neil gave me the gift of a Hot Air Balloon ride. Weather and other events intervened and the adventure never made it to the calendar.

    I’d nearly forgotten about it when Neil suggested that we book it ‘soon’. And last Tuesday at 5.30am we met the pilot, crew and other passengers at Hamilton Lake! It was quite an experience – Neil and the other male passenger were honoured with helping inflate the balloon. Then after the safety briefing we climbed on board and were on our way.

    I’d forgotten how glorious the city is. We truly live in a beautiful part of the world and I am grateful for an abundance of the two natural features that feed my soul – trees and water. The photo above shows that abundance and, from the air, the treescape and the river and lakes are indeed the heroes.

    The wind dictates the direction, and, to some extent, where we can land. After just over an hour we landed in a farm paddock.

    The adventure continued with deflating the balloon and rolling it up, packing everything away and scooting back to the lake for a coffee and snack at the Verandah cafe. Definitely a birthday present that will remain in my mind and heart for a long, long time to come.

    “C” Word – Connection – again

    The balloon ride accentuated for me the scope of this word I’ve chosen again, Connection. Spending time with loved ones creates memories to look back on and talk about over the years, strengthening our connection. Spending time in nature (was the balloon ride a nature experience? I think so), strengthens our connection with our Earth Mother.

    From since I was a little girl I have loved trees. Climbing them, running to them for solace, nibbling at the gum leaves, hugging their trunks, hiding behind them when we played our games. Trees were then, and still are, my breath, my strength, my friends.

    We lived in the mountains when I was a child, in a place with few water ways. Every Christmas holidays we’d go to the beach. Water became another constant in my life. When I allowed my second youngest daughter to leave New Zealand and go to Australia to my sister’s place to live, I took solace in the sea, wading out to my waist, allowing my salty tears full of pain and grief to merge with the salty water until I started to see a way forward without her.

    At times of decision making, of grieving, of loneliness, I turn to the bush and to the sea. So many memories flood in right now – memories of how I was given the resilience to go forward during those times. I am so grateful to have had nature to turn to wherever I’ve been.

    From the air balloon we saw our home, so close to the river, and surrounded by treed parks, roads, streets and walkways. And it thrills me to have viewed the urban place where we live from the air, to see the boundaries of the river and gullies, to store the memory of this adventure and how my soul has again been replenished through both the connection with nature and through deepening my connection with Neil by sharing this experience.

    An Event Reminder
    ​
    Ages of Pages
    27th April 2024
    Claudelands Event Centre
    Hamilton, NZ

    This is an amazing event that I’m thrilled to participate in this year. I’ll be sharing a table with Pat Backley, who’s books I adore.

    The event is billed as: a book event where readers can meet over 70 authors, buy books, and have them signed in person. Multiple genres, from NZ and Australian authors. All ages welcome. Free entry.

    Facebook page for the event is: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agesofpagesfans​

    My thought for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

    “Write it on my heart that every day is
    the best day of the year”
    ​    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

    please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
    through my website:

    http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

    Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

    FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
    the links below.

    ​

  • Does Writing come easy?

    Does Writing come easy?

    An Update
    and a favourite
    “C” Word

    Dear Reader

    An Update on our Writer’s Chat

    Thank you to those who sent their well wishes and thank you to those who could come to Waitakaruru and join Phoebe and me in our Writer’s Chat event. It was a perfect day for doing two of our favourite things: people watching and sharing what we love.

    When Neil and I garden in the rock garden at the Park we get a sense of the variety of the visitors’ backgrounds and family compositions. Last week the variety was more pronounced. There were visitors from Brazil, Spain, and Sri Lanka, and various places around New Zealand as well as locally. There were families of three generations, families with young children, and couples. Just watching and absorbing the atmosphere was exhilerating. When we had the opportunity to chat it was interesting to learn more about where people are from and how they hear about the Park.

    I believe we all have at least one story in us. I wish I could plant confidence into the hearts of those who know they have a story to tell. I’m not going to sugar coat the writing experience. It’s hard to get going. It’s hard to keep going. It’s hard to get up at 5 am and write – or whatever time you commit to. But knowing it’s hard makes it easier in a way.

    Don’t expect it to flow perfectly. My latest project is nearly 10,000 words in and I’ve just realised I’ve got the structure all wrong. Am I giving up? No. I’m going back to the beginning and restructuring, saving what I can, and rewriting. It’s part of the process of being a writer. And I am a writer.

    That’s the thing we don’t get when we first think we’d like to write. We think we should be able to sit and the words will flow onto the page. Well, it works like that if we sit and write. But the quality of the words often disappoints us. So, what to do? Keep writing. Keep writing until you come to the end of the piece. Then the fun part begins. The end is rarely, if ever, a polished piece.

    Polishing requires editing. It requires cutting out precious words and phrases. Editing is like spring cleaning. You find things you don’t need anymore and you dispose of them. You rearrange cupboards, whole rooms. And after a while you are satisfied you’ve done enough and it’s good. Writing is like that. It looks chaotic, is chaotic at times, but order does come too. Words and concepts are the things we might dispose of. Chapters are our cupboards. Sections of our book are our rooms. We write and we rearrange and we cut out whole bits – and then it’s done and we can be pleased with a job well done!

    And then we share with others for feedback and more polishing is required.

    Phoebe and I had the opportunity to talk with one aspiring writer whose book I want to read! He has a story that must be told: How the Waitakaruru Sculpture Park and Arboretum came to be. We gave him some ideas for a starting point for his story, for a structure for the book, and how to get started with the writing.

    When I come to garden this weekend he knows I’ll ask how his writing is getting along. He’ll probably avoid me – I know it’s the thing we writers hate the most: being asked “How’s the writing going?” But it’s the question we need to hear to keep us accountable. He might not have written one word and feel he’s failed or disappointed me. It might feel to him like he’s procrastinating. But I’ll tell him he’s not. While he’s not writing, he’ll be thinking, dreaming, and talking about his topic. That’s all part of being productive in our writing.

    So was our Writer’s Chat successful? That’s a resounding “Yes!” Phoebe sold some of her books. I sold none. Still I call the Writer’s Chat a success. We got to meet some wonderful people. We shared our story and our craft with them. And Phoebe and I were able to spend quality time together in one of the most beautiful places in the Waikato. And – as a bonus, I had an opportunity to practise for my next event (see the bottom of this newsletter for date and venue).

    “C” Word – Consideration

    Today, I wanted to focus my “C” Word discussion on “Kindness”. Attributes of kindness have been running through my head lately. I agree with the many commentators who speak of kindness as being an important quality in any and all human interactions from the family to community.

    But I struggled with the ethics of passing Kindness off as a C word. Would it work if I phrased it as a “C-sounding” word? I decided No, my integrity about bringing you a range of “C” words would be compromised, at least in my own mind, if I did.

    So I looked around for some “C” words that are synonyms of, or closely related to, kindness. Some of these are on my list for a future discussion in their own right: Compassion, Caring, and Charity, to name a few.

    A word I like that aligns to the concept of kindness is Consideration. So I decided that “consideration” would be my “C” Word for today.

    Consideration involves thoughtfulness and a genuine concern for others. I have tons of stories of how someone has shown such thoughtfulness towards me. One in particular springs to mind.

    On my first solo trip to the USA back in the early 2000s I was struggling up a steep flight of steps from the subway with my suitcase when suddenly it was taken from me by a young man who carried it all the way to the top. I thought he was a porter, or employed by the railway. I tried to show my gratitude for his help with a tip. I still remember the warmth of his smile as he refused and told me it was his pleasure to help. And he went on his way.

    Then there’s the young mother near me who gently admonishes her toddler to ‘Be gentle’ when the little one exuberantly hugs the kitten. She is teaching the quality of consideration for those who depend on us to be kind.

    There’s the teacher we see on our walks who patiently helps the students holding the crossing flags learn how to keep those dependent on their skill safe. He is teaching them to be considerate for both those wanting to cross (so they don’t have to wait too long) and the drivers approaching the crossing (so they have plenty of warning to stop).

    Consideration is at the root of the custom of giving one’s seat on public transport to another and stems from a genuine concern for the well-being of others.

    Like kindness, acts of consideration have a ripple effect. When someone experiences another’s consideration of them, they are more likely to pass it on to others, creating a positive chain reaction.

    This reminds me of our discussion of oxytocin from a few newsletters ago. Acts of kindness release feel-good hormones (like oxytocin) and contribute to a sense of purpose and fulfillment. Both the giver and receiver of considerate and kind acts experience improved mental and emotional well-being.

    Kindness and consideration both involve thoughtfulness in one’s actions. When you are considerate, you take the time to think about the impact of your words and deeds on others. Kindness often follows when those considerations lead to actions that benefit or uplift others.

    I see this every day at our local supermarket where the ‘trolley boys’ help load groceries, or wait for pedestrians to pass before moving their line of trolleys, or help someone take a stuck trolley from the stack. Invariably they are rewarded with grateful smiles that warm my heart and I’m sure warms the trolley boys’ hearts as well.

    And my own acts of kindness stem from my gratitude when someone lets me into the queue while driving. I’ve honestly found through reciprocating when I get the opportunity that I’m never disadvantaged. Invariably at least one person ahead of me, and sometimes two, turn off at the next intersection, leaving me no further behind than I was before I let someone in in front of me. This “evidence” leads me to claim that I will never be left wanting for anything by being kind and considerate, no matter the perceived cost, whether in monetary or time terms.

    In essence, consideration can be seen as the precursor to kindness. Consideration involves conscious thought and awareness of others; kindness is the action that stems from that consideration. Fostered together, they create a harmonious approach to life and define the way we contribute to our personal and societal relationships.

    My wish is that I can always understand and empathise with both the struggles and joys of those around me and make a positive and longlasting contribution to the ripple effect of consideration and kindness in their lives.

    Another Event
    ​
    Ages of Pages
    27th April 2024
    Claudelands Event Centre
    Hamilton, NZ

    This is an amazing event that I’m thrilled to participate in this year. I’ll be sharing a table with Pat Backley, who’s books I adore.

    The event is billed as: a book event where readers can meet over 70 authors, buy books, and have them signed in person. Multiple genres, from NZ and Australian authors. All ages welcome. Free entry.

    Facebook page for the event is: https://www.facebook.com/groups/agesofpagesfans​

    My thought for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

    “Write it on my heart that every day is
    the best day of the year”
    ​    Ralph Waldo Emerson

    Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

    please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe
    through my website:

    http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

    Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

    FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of
    the links below.

    ​

  • Family visit from Ireland and

    Family visit from Ireland and

    Welcome to 2024
    Family time
    and another “C” Word

    Dear Reader

    A New Year is here!

    Have you made a New Year’s Resolution? Personally, I don’t do that. At least not as I used to. In the past, I’d review the year that’s gone and decide where I wanted to put my first lot of energy. Invariably, my new resolutions would be the same as the year before – and the guilts would come flooding in. I don’t do that to myself anymore.

    Similarly, I don’t write a summary of all the happenings in the year anymore. If I did, I’d be putting in the ‘big’ things – the trips and the visitors and the anniversary celebrations. But what about the little things that mean just as much but don’t get talked about in the same way. Like catching a glimpse of pink as I enter the gym and know it’s my friend on the treadmill. My heart warms to think we’ll catch up soon at the cafe. And that thought is with me as I enter the gym studio and see places reserved with weights or a drink bottle or I see someone else warming up on the floor – and I feel at home. This is my tribe. My friends who laugh and chat as we workout to the music and direction of our instructor. The warmth is matched by the sun shining and the view of the park outside our window. And then we adjourn to the cafe.

    And afterwards we walk home and whatever the weather my heart lifts as we walk down the right of way to our place. The little ones across from us might be out and we wave to each other. Next door, the couple are tending the young native plants they are raising. From another neighbour we hear the happy sounds of children playing in the pool. And yet another little one happily playing outside. We come inside and my heart swells again in gratitude to the land agent who found us this house and for the peace we’ve created here.

    And this is a ‘record’ of a few hours, in one day, repeated several times through the year. And there are many other “few hour slots” that also bring me joy. How can I share all this in a yearly record of my doings? Nor the countless other joy-making moments.

    So for me, there’s no actual New Year’s Resolutions. No Annual News Report to friends and family. There’s just the quiet commitment to continue doing more. To continue finding joy in every day.

    Family Time

    My second daughter, Phoebe, and hubby, Eoghan, are here with us from Ireland (via a visit to their children in Australia).

    We’ve been having a lovely time catching up on how good it feels to sit together, to give each other a hug, to reminisce about the past, to talk about our writing. Phoebe and I talk nearly every week for a couple of hours. When I left Australia in 1978, the only communication I had with my family was through letters. So I’m grateful for the technology that gives us this form of keeping close.

    I’m glad it’s summer too. We’ve enjoyed some typical New Zealand summer activities, like paddling in the sea at the beach at Raglan, and visiting the world renowned Hamilton Gardens. Eoghan’s been able to enjoy exploring the surrounds by bike.

    Their time with us is at the halfway mark. Today, as you receive this newsletter, we are going to Rotorua. Later this week, Phoebe and Eoghan will spend a couple of nights at Waitakaruru in their cottage overlooking the lake. On Saturday I’ll join them and while Neil does our fortnightly volunteering, Phoebe and I will be in the cafe, sharing our writing experience with all who come to visit the Park.

    Other things we do while they are with us will stay in my memory. But most memorable will be those times Phoebe and I sit talking, planning and scoping our projects, enjoying the time we have to bounce ideas and sit and reflect and then bring up the topic again an hour or so later – things that are harder to do in our weekly video calls.

    First “C” Word for 2024

    I want to begin the year with a C word that I’ve had cause to review over the last few years – Cause.

    I’ve learned over my life that we are very similar, you and I. So I’m going to be bold and assume you also have times in your life when things haven’t gone the way ‘they should’. You might also have felt that you were the cause of whatever didn’t go the way someone, or you, thought it was going to turn out. I’m great at self-blame. I search for what I did, what I didn’t do, what I should have forseen. I put myself at the centre of the cause, and therefore the effects.

    Truly, life is an intricate dance of causes and effects – like a mesmerising ballet. We can cause positive change through our actions and choices, and that’s pretty cool. Yet, in my experience, these examples are often overshadowed by what we deem negative outcomes.

    The hardest of these events is when our actions appear to have negative effects on others – on friends, family, our children. We often forget the reality. Sometimes, we’re just actors on a stage, playing our part and letting the plot unfold. We forget we can’t change how others respond to us or predict every twist in our storyline.

    Others are on that stage too, and we don’t always know what their part is, or how they are playing that part. We certainly can’t determine how they react to our actions. Nor should we put ourselves in the role of a mind reader and try to ‘know’ what they are feeling or even needing from us.

    Looking back on the time I wrote about in my Memoir, I can see that one of the most distressing things for me was the self recrimination. I was plagued with: “I should have known;” “I should have done …” and “What if I’d done something different then?” Those types of thoughts and statements are not unique to me, even though the event that stimulates these thoughts can be vastly different.

    I’ve learned that I’m not the cause of the events I’ve written about in my Memoir. I have no control over how another responds to their life’s challenges. I can be there, offer support, be kind and loving. Neither is it my place to direct another’s course, and when I’ve offered advice and love to another, it is up to them, not me, to accept or reject what is offered. It is up to them, not me, to weather the storms life brings their way. As it is up to me to do the same for myself. I am not at the centre of another’s life. Not at all.

    13th January 2024 is upon us

    ​

    This coming Saturday, 13 January 2024, at The Sculpture Park at Waitakaruru Arboretum 207 Scotsman Valley Road, Tauwhare, between 10 am and noon the Writer’s Chat event will be held in the cafe area shown in the photo. I’ll be joined by fellow author Phoebe Wilby, my daughter visiting from Ireland.

    We’ll have our books for sale or to order. It’ll be fun to see you and your friends and family there.

    For those who are close by, Phoebe and I hope you join us – and that you enjoy the park at the same time!

    My thought for Living Life in 2024 and beyond:

    “Write it on my heart that every day is the best day of the year” Ralph Waldo Emerson

    (I haven’t found a thought as meaningful to me as this one, yet!)

    Read past Newsletters and, if you enjoy them,

    please share with your friends and encourage them to subscribe.

    And check out my website:

    http://www.StephanieHammondAuthor.com

    FOLLOW ME Like, post and comment at any of

    the links below. Join my Reader’s Group on Facebook.​

    ​